Tag: youth

There’s one born every minute between 1950 and 1959

Anti-aging products are a booming industry–as in baby boomers are buying them all up. (If you regret the 10 seconds of your life lost reading that last sentence, too bad. No refunds.) Although none are proven to work as advertised, the cosmetic surgery, hormone replacement, skin care and fitness industries are predicted to “increase from $80 billion now to more than $114 billion by 2015.”

However, not every boomer is falling for “look young quick” schemes. The pinnacle of boomer presidents, Bill Clinton, has become a vegan, proving there’s nothing he won’t do to feel younger, liberal breasts.

You think you’re a hardcore gamer?

Counter-Strike players in the Jilin province of China apparently take cheating extremely seriously. An argument between Counter-Strike players at a Chinese net café over suspected use of a cheat led to a 17-year-old boy being stabbed through the head (Big Warning: the link is probably Not Safe For Work, as there’s a semi-graphic photo of the boy and ads on the linked site that are icky at best) with a foot-long knife and somehow managing to live to tell the tale.

The 17-year-old victim was suspected of using a hack that allowed him to see through walls, giving him an obvious benefit in the computerized game of hide and go kill each other. A fight broke out outside the net café regarding the hack, and one assailant decided to do a little hacking of his own, stabbing large knife into the side of the cheater’s head, the tip of the blade barely protruding from the other side.

The boy, miraculously still conscious, was rushed to a nearby hospital. After around 10 hours of surgery, the knife was successful removed. The boy survived, but is under observation in case bits of rust (oh yeah, there’s that too) flaked off inside his brain.

So how does someone survive a foot-long knife through the skull? According to doctors, the blade missed major arteries, which kept him from hemorrhaging, and managed to somehow avoid affecting motor skills even though the blade passed through areas that handle those functions. The net café where the incident occurred was popular with local youths because it didn’t require ID, which may prove to be a factor.

The doctor states that the chances of surviving such a wound were one in ten thousand. Personally, I like those odds.

SG not responsible for irrepressable manliness, hangovers

This is how The Guys stay in blogging shape.

According to researchers, exercise may keep you young at a molecular level. They believe that exercise keeps telomeres, which are essentially aglets on the shoelaces of your DNA strands, long enough to prevent fraying and cell death (their analogy).

In fact, active test subjects were cellularly on par with inactive people 10 years younger.

So, if you’re 16 and trying to buy beer, for the love of God, don’t exercise. Avoid stairs, sleep in front of the fridge and brush your teeth with Cheez-Whiz (and don’t spit afterwards). Your only mission in life is to sit absolutely still while growing an almost perceptible mustache.