Bears are the new zombies

Halloween may be done and over with, but as you and I know, the terrifying flesh-eaters known as zombies never hold themselves to just that night. Alas! Things would be much easier if they did.

Well, now we have animals other than opossums using similar tactics as zombies to kill us! For example, a hunter in Oregon was doing his noble business when he came across a bear, no doubt rummaging through some campers’ rucksack like a hobo and being as destructive as possible. Committed to his duty, the hunter, a youth by the name of Alex Machado, shot the bear. When Machado checked the bear to see if it had passed this mortal coil, the bear rose up, grasping him into a bear hug (how original, bear) and sending them both over a cliff! Oh no! Luckily, Machado survived the fall and the bear was then shot … again.

People, our current way of hunting is just too risky. We need to apply zombie survival tactics to animals from now on. Remember: before you check, give them two shots to the head, even if you were already aiming at their noggin.