Zombie movies have happened just about everywhere. The United States, Germany, Canada, Sweden, England, Wales, Australia, India, Japan, and if I understand the trailer, perhaps some place in Africa while also facing the T-800?
But one place they haven’t happened in is China. That is, until recently.
A man in Foshan City cornered a woman on the street and proceeded to begin gnawing on her face. Bystanders came by and attacked the undead man with a shovel to no avail. When the police arrived, the zombie began chewing on one of their arms. Ghastly!
The media is writing off the incident as the actions of a mentally ill individual, but c’mon. You and I know the real truth here. World War Z may soon become a tome that predicts the future.
Alright, people of the Internet. We’ve called this meeting because it’s time for us to settle once and for all what zombies are. We believe we can all agree that, technically:
1. A person who eats faces, but is not dead, is a cannibal. [NOT A ZOMBIE]
2. A person who cuts out their own guts and throws them at the police, but again is not dead, is one of the Gang of Four. [NOT A ZOMBIE]
3. A person who hits someone with their car and then zaps them with a stun gun, but is not only not dead, but also arrested, is [NOT A ZOMBIE], no matter what their vanity license plate may claim.
Glad we could settle this. Rage on.
If you see a woman force her husband to bury his mother up to her neck, then proceed to punt her head a mile into the air, you’re probably watching a Japanese horror movie. In this specific case, it’s Tokyo Zombie, a wacky farce by Sakichi Satô based on a manga of the same name. And it’s good, in that awesomely quirky kind of way. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Tokyo Zombie’
The ghost of Heath Ledger still refuses to move on.
While alive, he lingered around, making us watch horrible movies like 10 Things I Hate About You with our girlfriends (or A Knight’s Tale with our boyfriends).
In death, he haunted the Internet through creepy necrophiliac fans. Then he nightstalked his ex-girlfriend. (Sorry, Heath. If marriage ends at death, then dating ends at the pill coma.)
Now, he’s angling for a Best Supporting Actor Academy Award for his performance as ICP in The Dark Knight. Look, it’s bad enough that Hollywood is dangling his reanimated corpse in front of us this summer, but rewarding zombie labor? They’re stealing our jobs (and accolades)!