Hey, Fox News. You can deny reading this on as many segments as you want, but we both know that isn’t true. For the highest rated cable news network–thanks to Osama Bin Laden–it’s pretty obvious that you’ve got some self-esteem issues.
For the past two weeks, we’ve watched you take a more active role in what had previously been Jon Stewart’s nipping at your heels. In terms of rivalries, The Daily Show is to Fox News what the Baltimore Orioles are to the New York Yankees. They’re only in the same division based on a technicality, and hate them as much as you want, but the Yankees aren’t going to lose this fight, much less their house.
Yet, here we are, and you’re not looking good. You never really look “good,” but you used to fight presidents and ACORNs, not comedians whose biggest critics are themselves. It’s time to figure out what you’re doing here, Fox News.
You’re only as big as your nemesis.
You set some pretty high sights when you first bust onto the scene. The New York Times, CNN and the Big Four looked indomitable, but you went after them night after night like Greg Gutfield in a store full of other people’s jokes.
But, then you reached the top. You conquered the ratings.
The New York Times couldn’t handle the changing market and will be wiped out as soon as yet another online pay model fails. CNN looks like the gossipy ex-wife of all those retirees you wooed over. The Big Four put their own cheerleader in an anchor desk to just try and compete with your newbabes.
So who’s left? In the case of your targets, it became just The Left. There was no longer a need for a Colmes to balance your Hannity. You deputized conservative heavyweights like Craig T. Nelson and Dennis Miller in your war with Sean Penn, Barbara Streisand and, well, anyone else who is foolish enough to accept a Quinceanera evite from Hugo Chavez.
And now you’re pitting your one “news” guy who isn’t a Shepard Smith against a comedian? Jon Stewart doesn’t believe you’re a legitimate news source. So what? Jon Stewart doesn’t believe any media outlet is a legitimate news source these days. In a fair and balanced world, you’d realize that this just means you’ve made it. You’re one of the big boys, if not the biggest because he only mentions MSNBC like, once a month, tops.
No, you’re taking this pretty personal, Fox News, and that means only one thing…
You know Jon Stewart’s right–er, correct.
Deep down, you must. C’mon, admit it.
Going back to the point above about how you (or anyone, really) are only as big as your nemesis, how you respond to that nemesis speaks volumes.
You could have gone after Jon Stewart about anything. With a fraction of his team, you could have collected all the moments he forgot to be funny and started directly editorializing. You could have montaged every instance where he self-aggrandizes his movie career as a continuous pitch to drive up Netflix rentals of said movies.
But, racism? Really? Where did that come from? It’s not like he brought it up.
I thought you were projecting when Chris Wallace, trusted newspiece of the network, tried to paint Stewart as a political operative in the guise of a venerable position. But calling Jon Stewart racist is IMAX-level. It’s Ted Haggard screaming, “What?! That guy’s a homo!” in response to a question about Bible scholarship.
Your continued attention to things and people who are not news makes you look small, Fox News. And creating shows like Red Eye and The Half-Hour News Hour means you honestly believe you’re not really news at all. You know who tries to pander to their base 24 hours a day with hack jokes? Politicians.
Maybe you should go back to fights you can win, like with that Old Gray Lady.