Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin, Part II

Hey, Sarah.

Long time, no talk, right? I mean, the last time I wrote to you, it was because you were upset at David Letterman for … well, being David Letterman.

Well, over a year later and here we are again. This time, you’re upset at … everyone? because, after all your talk about reloading at those you don’t consider real Americans, somebody shot the congresswoman whose election you specifically placed in crosshairs, and they have the nerve to suggest that you take it down a notch.

I’ve stayed out of this mostly because I figured you’d be done calling this “censorship” and “blood libel,” but you’re still whining to your totally-not-gay BFF, Sean, about the whole thing.

I’m not stupid, Sarah. I get exactly what you’re doing.

You had a chance to demonstrate real leadership in an earlier time slot than Obama’s appearance at the University of Arizona. Anyone else would have taken the opportunity to out-president the President’s ass.

It would’ve been easy, too. Expressed regret over how your imagery back then just happened to coincide with a despicable violent act, a condemnation against violence, a couple of nice comments about Giffords or even the Republican federal judge that was shot, too, and you could have finally raked in some potential swing voters.

But, not you.

You sell books to people that think burning a Koran would blister Mohammad. Joining the call for rational civil discourse in politics means not cockteasing their trigger fingers for five minutes, which is a lifetime in stupid’s attention span. It only took two weeks of no headlines to stall the careers of previous Republican Mean Girls, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin.

(I actually had to Google “Michelle” and “Republican” because I couldn’t remember her last name. I can remember the names of both actresses that played Lt. Saavik in Star Trek II through IV; that’s how obscure Malkin’s become.)

So you invented a fight when there wasn’t one. You, and therefore your fans, decided to fight, saying, “I didn’t kill those people.”

Saying it wasn’t you is like Christine O’Donnell saying she isn’t a witch. Of course you didn’t do it. You’re just reminding us that your rhetoric could have inspired a delusional apolitical killer long after we moved past that. It’s like you want people to think you kill your political enemies with your words.

It’s obvious that you want to be a badass like Dog the Bounty Hunter or Criss Angel, who aren’t really all that badass. Dog prays and breeds more than he actually tackles repeat Honolulu offenders, and Criss Angel can’t get laid with magic tricks and Mystery’s wardrobe. You just want to appear badass without doing anything notably badass.

(After that paragraph, I promise never to write the word “badass” again.)

I mean, come on. You kill wolves from the air. Your own Dog- and Angel-esque reality show proves you can barely handle a gun at all. You can’t even shoot a big old deer without your Dad.

So, let’s just get this out in the open. I know you’re not seriously running for president in 2012.

Oh, I guarantee you’ll run. But only as a ratings grab. And I’m sure you’ll have TLC or some other has been cable network following you for an “on the campaign trail” reality show. And when you lose, there will be another book, more angry interviews and whatever it is you think Facebook is for.

You’ll make billions. And can America really become worse?