Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests

Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarianism Militia

August 1, 2009 Meeting Minutes

Attendance: 3,171, of which 3,101 were new members as of November 5, 2008.

Icebreaker: Loudest gun mods and quietest homemade silencers contest

Pat Simmons won for loudest gun modification by adding a police siren and glass pack to his Browning Automatic Rifle.

He narrowly edged out second place, (his brother) Greg Simmons’ similar modification, by yelling, “USA!” very loudly while firing. Greg tried to yell, too, but he had already lost his voice at the Ted Nugget tribute show last night at the Flying-J.

Jerome Lyzon won for quietest homemade silencer by skewering a summer sausage with his .357 magnum. For the record, Lyzon added that there’s nothing gay to be taken from that and shut up, you’re queer.

Shooting of the National Anthem

Those present lined up in order of caliber and muzzle length to notes in The Star Spangled Banner. Although the shooting was restarted three times for people firing out of turn and twelve forgetting to turn off the safety, the national anthem was eventually performed to completion.

Old Business

1. F-22 contracts issued

As part of our own effort to bail out the defense industry, RAM has issued contracts to companies in over 40 states to produce our very own F-22 Raptor fighter jets.

Snee made note that the design is a little dated, judging by the name that dates way back to when raptors were cool (immediately post-Toronto’s entry into the NBA). He added, however, that with the fleet of jets, we would have the superior model for bombing old junkyards and abandoned theme parks.

Also, “Suck it, Sandusky Rod and Gun Club.”

2. School gun sales update

School gun sales are going well. By selling guns to students, we have increased the number of armed students to counter armed students in certain school districts to a 1:1 ratio.

New Business

1. Health Care Protests (transcript of Rick Snee’s drunken speech)

As a group that has taken what some would call “extreme” measures to arm ourselves, we have just started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, I don’t mean we’re dying and going to see grandma soon. I’m referring to the muzzle flash at the end of a long winding barrel that we never thought we’d see the end of.

We have fought and, well, mostly shopped to protect ourselves from intruders–perceived AND real, because we believe in certain principles like preemptive attacks. And we’re winning. It’s a war that we are winning because most of the people we would shoot will stay dead and never breathe our air again.

Until a certain fancy new president took office and started talking about giving “50 million uninsured people” health care.

Shoot to KILL.First off, I find that number very hard to believe. Who are these 50 million people?

  • The unemployed
  • Low wage workers
  • Vampires, who opt out of their company insurance programs because they don’t get sick

And I think we can all agree that none of those are really people.

What this is is a way to disarm us by healing the very people we’ve shot for invading our homes–whether it is to steal our Elvis plates, our identities or our blood. This is to waste the money we spend on ammunition every time those kids play on our carefully neglected lawns.

The last thing we need is a government that takes criminals that we’ve shot and put them back out on the streets to potentially consider committing crimes again. We’d call the police, but we’d rather have cool hero stories to tell hot chicks with big titties and narrow waists at the bar.

And that is why we must show up to the town hall protests with our guns.

Motion to adjorn meeting made by Julie Snee, seconded by habit by Rick Snee.

Cocktail Hour, followed by shots.

One thought on “Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests”

  1. “And that is why we must show up to the town hall protests with our guns.”

    I always wondered the logic. Now everything is clear.

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