Take it from Snee: Leave your gun in Missouri or stay home

Nanny states are only hurting themselves by not letting Officer Fedora Mansplain in with the tools to protect us.

If you don’t live in Texas, yet have a disclaimer in your science textbook that “evolution is a theory,” then you may have a good idea why The Concealed-Carry Reciprocity Act is a terrible idea. Of all the addled ideas to come from the minds of people who can’t walk into a coffee shop without the push-button power of life and death in their pocket, this particular brainfart bears the distinction of trumping states’ rights and making everyone less safe.

And if reason doesn’t sway you, the votes of 231 of our current U.S. Representatives should. Unless you want to be considered as smart as a Congressman.

So, why does the NRA want states to recognize the concealed carry permits of places like Missouri, where anyone can “constitutionally carry” concealed guns, with or without a permit? (Quick side question: how well does this go over in the non-backwater areas of Missouri, like St. Louis? I’m sure the police there are all about helping black people arm themselves with more than Skittles and cell phones.)

Because white people are f*cking nihilists. And it’s exhausting. 

Full disclosure: I love–LOVE–contradictions to logic. It’s my favorite part about studying history, reading the news and observing people around me. We all pride ourselves on being logical and decry the vast majorities of people who disagree with us as illogical, and they think the same about us! This means either one of two things happen every day with the human race:

1. Vast portions of our population are illogical, incapable of understanding an idea so brilliant that its benefits speak for themselves.

2. We don’t know how to logic, at least not consistently. That, rather than come up with ideas through logical reasoning, we invent stupid ideas and then use a type of logic to make us feel better about our stupid ideas and selves.

If you’re familiar with the metaphor of the elephant and the rider, where the elephant is emotion and the rider is logic, then you know that the elephant goes where the peanuts are, and the rider takes credit for riding it to the market to buy peanut-adjacent goods. So, it’s two, the answer is always that humans don’t know how to logic and, when we have a logical idea, it’s a happy miracle that we happened to feel in a way that’s consistent with it.

Continuing this metaphor, the rider isn’t always as logical as it should be, anyway.

Right now, my favorite contradiction is this: some rube wearing a Glock under their Sig Sauer shirt in Missouri thinks that they’d love to hop in their SUV and visit Boston or New York City or Washington D.C.–if only those places weren’t so unsafe without their gun.

And this white person never admit in non-dog whistles why going to these *Inner Cities* is so unsafe for them.

Nevermind that they’ve never been to these places and have no idea what they’re actually like. That, contrary to whatever they heard from Hannity, the murder rate of Baltimore still means they’re more likely to die from a shark bite in the middle of Camden Yard than in a hail of gunfire. Let’s put that aside.

The contradiction is why would they want to go someplace so allegedly dangerous? I hear the art scene in Syria is amazing, but I’m not under the illusion that it’ll be fine so long as I can take my AR-15 as my carry-on.

And then you realize that this hypothetical Cletus isn’t just constitutionally carrying their gun to Chicago. They’re carrying it to church. To the grocery store. Possibly even to their kid’s school, hoping nobody notices because Gun-Free Zones are powerless to stop irony.

It’s not just Dallas that’s unsafe to this kind of person–it’s Grover’s Corners, too. That, to this camo hat-wearing nihilist, the potential of violence is so bad no matter where they go, they should keep a weapon on them at all times just in case.

That–and the NRA stoking white gun owners’ fears of bad guys with guns and/or liberal ideas around every corner–is a level of nihilism previously unheard of outside of Mogadishu.

“Is this one big enough to protect me from the consequences of free speech?”

Well, as someone who has lived in and around D.C., let me assure anyone waiting for the Concealed-Carry Reciprocity Act to pass before visiting: please don’t. The good people of D.C. have had their fill of paranoid, nihilistic nutjobs from other states overstaying their welcome–231 of them at last count.

So long as you’re running around your own state constantly armed, just think of anywhere else as too dangerous to visit without a tank.