Take it from Snee: Lightning Round Never Sleeps

I’m pooped. Not to dredge up too much boring domestic crap, but my entire apartment is in shambles from buying new bedroom furniture. On the pro side, there’s a mirror in my bedroom now. On the con side: my wife wouldn’t let me install it on the ceiling.

So, here are a few thoughts I had while cursing through my teeth.

I wonder how many time travelers fought in World War II.

I’m not asking for a search of IMDB or the collected knowledge of your weekend LARP group. I’m being as serious as a man named Snee is legally permitted to be.

I like to imagine Hitler’s final days being in a bunker not (just) because of the Russians, but because a future Web site launches a time traveling contest to see who can kill him the most creatively. To claim the prize, your presubmitted demise must make the newspapers afterwards. Making it look like a suicide doesn’t count.

(Did I just launch this contest back in 2010? Perhaps, if you’re thinking fourth dimensionally!)

And if you’re against this idea, then why are you against killing Hitler?

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When Native Americans introduced Virginians to tobacco, they were playing the “long game.”

And we thought we were being clever with small pox.

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Jay Leno still sucks.

Clarence Thomas is back in the news. Did you hear about this? Did you hear about this? 20 years ago? He put his pubes on Anita Hills’ Diet Coke can?

His wife called and she wants his sole comparatively positive reason for fame back.

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You ever notice that Christians are always asking for prayers?

“Please keep Bob in your prayers!” “Pray for Carol’s new kittens!”

They even try to guilt you into it: “I’m praying for you!” “I’m praying for your grandmother!”

Great, now I have to pray for you, don’t I? How bad do your prayers have to be if you need mine?

And then I realized what’s going on: God’s got them on “ignore” for praying too much. And like any good bot, the only way through his spam filter is by getting others to pass their bulls%@t along.