As everyone knows, we’re at war. We’re at war with animals, drugs, poverty, uncomfortable feelings and religions we don’t agree with. But, we’re allies, so that means we’re also at war with anyone they’re rattling sabres at.
Notice the British spelling of “sabers” above? That’s because it’s time to kick some spicy Argentine ass for the Falkland Islands again!
It may sound grotesque to cheerlead for war, but it’s the Falklands! Princes will go to battle in a magical world where toilets flow backwards and puffins dot the landscape. If the Brits filmed this with children and Shakespearean actors, you’d Fandango tickets this very instant.
Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to write ourselves into some Falkland fan-fiction as invaluable American assistance.