This past week I took a trip to South Carolina to visit family and get a chance to relax. For those of you who aren’t familiar, South Carolina is the one where they have their teeth, but their governor went hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Sure, there are all sorts of jokes I could make about the state itself, or the people. But we all know that it’s in the South, and thus still believes the Civil War is going on.
What’s a bit unexpected about South Carolina is the danger that comes from being around the animals that live there. Everything from owls that can swoop down and carry away your pet at night to the the deer that wantonly eat your garden. Danger is everywhere.
And yet, I survived my trip there.
I was in the Hilton Head Island area for my trip, so much of what I saw around me were marshes and tidal basins. This usually means alligators, but this time around, I didn’t see any. In the past, I have had gators watch me as I played corn hole in a neighbor’s yard.
Instead, I bravely avoided the local variety of fire ants, which, despite the name, do not have the ability to ignite things, at will. Nonetheless, they are not to be trifled with, because apparently their bites really sting, and they tend to attack in groups. I had to carefully dodge a few of these insects as I sat by the pool one day. Another day, I was on the golf course, teeing up my drive, when three or four fire ants crawled on top of my ball. I coolly swung the club anyway, and sent those pests to whatever fire ant god they believe in.
I’m not saying I’m a hero or anything, but I also avoided the onslaught of jellyfish during my trip. One day at the beach, groups of jellyfish began washing up on shore. A few were still in the water, making swimmers paranoid. Walking along the beach, I dodged the dead jellyfish washed up on shore, and kept a keen eye out for them while I was in the water. Unfortunately, I managed to step on one and freaked out a bit. I later found out that they were a harmless type of jelly.
Even so, they jellies tried again to get me when I went parasailing. Toward the end of the trip, as seems to be customary, boat crew dipped my girlfriend and me in the water before reeling us in. As we came in for a splash, I spotted a jelly not five feet away. Nice try, jellyfish, but your aim was off and you missed us entirely. Better luck next time, my friend.