The McBournie Minute: DirecTV practices the black arts

It’s Halloween time, that means everyone will have costume pictures on the Facebook profiles in a week we are half way through the Christmas shopping season it’s nearly time to party. Yours truly may not survive Halloween because I will be going to a murder party. Having never been to one before, I’m not sure what level of make-believe is. So if it comes down to them or me, my hunting knife ought to win out. I bought a fedora for my costume the other day, not because I am going to be Don Draper for Halloween, but the party is supposed to be a 1920s speakeasy. I plan to draw on my college experience to play the part of drinking in secret.

But still, because it’s that time of year, things are getting lame brands of spooky, mostly television and theme parks. We have to accept that they are getting faux-creepy, but sometimes they go a little over the top. I can put up with horror movie marathons and the New York Yankees in the World Series to give me the heeby-jeebies, but commercials are where I draw the line.

DirecTV has recently launched a few new famous movie scene re-dub commercials where they pay semi famous people like Naomi Watts. This time around they’re smacking us around with some action from David Spade–not that we asked for it or anything.For those of you who haven’t seen it, DirecTV has resurrected Chris Farley (and unsuccessfully, David Spade’s career) for the purposes of letting you know how much Spade wishes he had the fine satellite viewing choices of DirecTV. Spade sits on the couch while Farley does the “fat guy in a little coat” song and dance from Tommy Boy, or Black Sheep, whatever.

Last year about this time, we got to see the ghost of Craig T. Nelson talk to us about satellite television while a girl who died at the age of 13 because of a misdiagnosis reminded us that the poltergeist was here. Because when you think about DirecTV, you should think about congenital acute bowel obstruction complicated by septic shock.

I get that Farley died more than 10 years ago. I get that they are aiming that commercial at the 20-something demographic that knows that movie so well, but you really can find other movies that can fit that criteria without raising the dead. All I can think about is how strange it is that Farley is dead and Spade is alive–clearly, there is no god.

What makes it even worse is that Spade was good friends with Farley, and until now, we had assumed that friendship ended in 1997 when Farley died. We were wrong. It turns out not only does Spade still talk to Farley, and we assume he has for the past 12 years, but he is perfectly willing to cash in on his friend’s memory for a few bucks.

If I don’t survive the weekend, you can be sure that the Guys will find a way to cash in on me. Personally, I’m hoping they will posthumously release a movie based on footage shot from dress rehearsals for my upcoming world tour.

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