At this point, the presidential candidates and their vice presidential picks have been covered, analyzed and talked about to death. All that is left are rumors and we can leave those to the rumor mongers. (What is a monger, by the way?)
That being said, I figured out an angle that all of the mainstream media, all of the New Media and bloggers have not yet been able to cover: what are the candidates like when you get a couple drinks in them at the bar. I sat down with each of the candidates over the past week and discussed the issues that matter to Joe Sixpack, like who is going to pay the tab. The Democrats won the coin toss backstage and have elected to go first.
Sen. Barack Obama
Of all four candidates, Obama seemed the most comfortable at the bar. It wasn’t that the others were out of place at the bar, he just looked like he had been to a bar more recently than the others. Perhaps this is where youth comes in handy.
Obama was really good at looking at me and appearing concerned, but I felt like he was only doing it in case someone had a camera pointed at him. Still, it was nice to have a drinking buddy who didn’t wander off every now and then. One of the most remarkable things about Obama is that he doesn’t have a favorite drink. In fact, he doesn’t even order the same drink from one round to another. When asked about that habit, he said it was all about CHANGE and bringing in a fresh perspective on things. That includes a fresh drink that will shake things up on the taste buds.
If you ever go out drinking with the Democratic nominee, I suggest staying away from topics like Pakistan. The guy just kept going on and on about how he wants to invade the renegade province–I forget the name because I tuned out–and root out Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda.
Sen. Joe Biden
Being at the bar with Biden was an experience. He seemed to be enjoying himself, if not a bit out of his element. You see, Biden is no stranger to a good time, but it was like hanging out with the creepy old guy at the bar who’s trying to fit in. He knows he’s old, but he’s trying to act younger than he is, flashing that cheesy grin left and right–especially at the waitresses.
Biden, as it turns out, is a rum man. This was surprising to me, because going into the interview, I had him pegged for a whiskey or scotch drinker. Most of the old Washington crowd drinks something that, bourbon is also found inside the Beltway. But Biden likes rum. He started off with a couple banana daiquiris and looked surprised when I didn’t want the same. He tried ordering for me, but I changed my order to my old standby, Jack and Coke.
There was something hilarious about seeing a creepy old dude drink a fruity drink garnished with more fruit and a little umbrella. He’s not really sure when he got into them, but he loves him some banana daiquiri. After a couple of those, he started slugging rum on the rocks. I never heard what his brand was, but I suspect it was something top shelf. Biden is a lot of fun to be around. He will tell you exactly what he’s thinking, and will buy young ladies drinks if they sit on his lap.
Sen. John McCain
In all my years of bending an elbow, I have never seen an angrier drunk. I suppose I should have known better, since he’s a Navy guy, and Annapolis bars are filled with sailors who sometimes like to fight. Like Biden, McCain also drinks rum, but he sticks to rum and Diet Coke, later in the evening he switched to boilermakers.
We got a lot of stares when we first walked in. We got even more when to start off the interview, McCain went over to the jukebox and put on his favorite song, ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” I remembered reading months ago it was his favorite, but hearing this public official talk about disco is pretty surreal.
Drinking with McCain is like drinking with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He starts off fine, but the more the senator drinks, the angrier he gets, and before you know it. Mr. Drunk is rambling on at you about “that one” and how no one appreciates everything that he has done for the U.S. When he began rambling about the rather intimate details about his marriage, I called the interview over.
Gov. Sarah Palin
In Alaska, apparently all they can do to pass the time is drink. Palin is no exception in this respect, and it is my belief that she could drink the other three candidates under the table. Palin’s favorite drink is “whatever you’re having, baby.” This caught me a bit off guard. World leaders are usually very decisive about things, especially their poison. As soon as I ordered vodka tonics for us, Palin said I had picked her favorite.
Shaking off a wink from her, I asked her about how she feels about the national limelight. She said she really enjoyed the opportunity to get out and spread her message to real Americans, and how she felt the media had been so unfair to her. We went round after round, and she held her ground. Her only tell was that she seemed more relaxed as time went on, she even let her hair down at one point.
Palin bummed a smoke off of someone at the bar, and then began to talk about things that probably were not on her note cards. For the first time, I was able to get real answers from the governor. Blowing smoke in my face, she told me how much she hated the mainstream media and how they were all against her. She did enjoy the opportunity to do interviews like this one now and then, but she said I was probably going to skew the facts just like Charlie Gibson did. She was in the middle of this rant when she fell off her stool and showed no interest in getting back up. She was asleep within a minute.
I have only let Joe Biden order my drink once. Just once, and never again.