The McBournie Minute: Equality and equal treatment are not the same

The other day I heard a commercial on the radio during my morning commute for voteforahange.com, an Obama campaign voter registration and information site. It was basically just a bunch people naming why they were registering to vote (aside from the fact that like Livestrong bracelets in 2004, it’s the in thing now). One of them toward the end of the commercial was a young woman saying “Because I can’t stand living in a world where I make less than a man.”

That statement, and the driver cutting me off, caused me to yell at my dashboard. You see, men make more for a reason, actually, several reasons, and while this statement attacked the unjust practices of the world, let’s focus on just the U.S.

Let me begin by saying the numbers are skewed in the first place. The average man will make more than the average woman because the filthy rich tax bracket still hails from a time when women were used to answer phones and make babies. Those rich guys will make the average higher for men, but I believe that will change. While it may still be possible that men get paid more for the same job as women, I have never experienced this. I have never seen the reverse, either. Women with the exact same job as me have never rolled into the office with monocles, stopping only briefly to remove the $100 bill stuck to their pumps.

Ladies, men might make more than you, but that is because we have to. Why? Because you are expensive. Maybe not you personally, but women in general are very costly to the male species. Those in relationships must buy things like dinner, flowers, cards, chocolates, jewelry, condoms, etc. Don’t think so? Go 50/50 on your next date and see how it feels. Neither of you will like it very much.

Men not in relationships have to buy you drinks in hopes that you will talk to them. You may not talk to them, you may just decide to smile, wave, maybe even mouth the words “Thank you” to them from across the bar. Still, guys have to pay for even the chance at this. The roles on this are virtually never reversed. Never has a woman bought me or any of my friends a drink. No, when a drink is bought for a guy, it’s a shot, and it’s bought by another guy as a sign of camaraderie. Still other single guys give you money in the form of $1 bills, which you tuck into your garter, and even then they are paying just to look at you.

When I turned 18, I celebrated by going to my local post office and registering for the draft. Why did I do this? Because I preferred not to be arrested forcibly by federal agents. I still have my draft card, in fact, I need to know where it is at all times. You know what? So does every other male citizen of this country. Will we ever have a draft? Probably not. But if we do, women can rest easy knowing that their number will never be called.

The draft card in itself is a symbol of government-recognized gender in inequality. This is not to say that one is better than the other, just different. Some characteristics, whether rightly or wrongly, are attributed to certain genders. Men are seen as the brave ones, the warriors. Should we ever need to call on the citizenry for more troops, would I make a good soldier? Hell no. Obviously, our service women are way better fighters than I would ever be. But the fact remains that women cannot be forced to join the military.

Making a statement about salaries is being simplistic. Equality and being treated the same are not the same thing. If women want to be treated the same as men, they should start holding the door for men, support abolishing ladies’ night specials and cease getting mad when the toilet seat is left up. Because at their core, they know they are just as capable of putting the seat down as we are of putting it up.