The McBournie Minute: I am better than Barack Obama

You have probably heard a bit about President Barack Obama’s date nights with, in breaking with a proud presidential tradition, his wife. Unless you live in the Washington, D.C. area, trust me, you’re not hearing the half of it. Obama loves going out on the town, even having strolls around the White House grounds with Michelle.

Some people are making a big deal out of this. (Democrats: “Aren’t they just so wholesome and romantic? It’s like the return of Camelot!”) (Republicans: “How DARE he spend time on his marriage? Taxpayer money is for overpaying on unsolicited government contracts!”) (Celebrity followers: “OHMYGOD, THERE THEY ARE!!!”) Even comedians like Jon Stewart are saying the 44th president is making him look bad in the eyes of his wife.

But what everyone seems to be missing is the point: I am better than Barack Obama.

Let’s put aside the whole “leader of the free world” title and compare man-to-man. Because you know what? Obama unzips his fly the same as I do when it’s time to take a leak. Let’s measure up.

Work
He and I both live in Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine’s number 3 place to live in the country. And that’s only because Huntsville, Alabama and Albuquerque, New Mexico bought off the editors. He lives where he works, I travel to my office. His work takes him about town sometimes, so it’s necessary for him to drive around with a motorcade of roughly 87 cars. I walk to the Metro (that’s the Washington subway for you beltway outsiders) and take it to work daily. Eat my tiny carbon footprint, Obama!

Flying
I saw Air Force One yesterday, or shall I say, the president’s private jet, as it came back from Europe. Let me tell you, it’s just a 747 with a cool paint job. Big deal, sir. I fly Southwest, some of the planes have cool paint jobs based on where they originate AND it’s the home of no hidden fees. This feels like I’m just winning left and right, here, doesn’t it? Well, I am.

Romance
Michelle and Barack like to go on a date once a week, not to mention some private time daily. Pah! My girlfriend and I have a weekly date night. It’s called Thirsty Thursday, and it involves spending the evenings with her roommate, a 20-something guy from North Carolina, as we watch TV drinking bourbon and rehashing the Civil War. (Spoiler: The North won.) Romance? You got it, baby!

Leisure
My lady and I like to sit in the sun on my balcony, or even lounge around at the pool in my apartment complex. But you can’t do that, can you, Mr. President? No, your balconies are too full with Secret Service snipers eyeing the surrounding area for troublemakers. You don’t even have a pool, because Richard Nixon filled it in to make room for a press room in the White House. Who is better able to make their woman swoon, now, POTUS?

Money
And finally, I do my budgeting through Mint.com, Obama does his through Congress. I win.