It’s all over, folks. There is nothing left to explore. There are no new wonders in the world to discover–at least when it comes to alcohol. And it’s all the New Zealand Antarctic Heritage Trust’s fault. (Side note: Is there an Old Zealand?)
The trust found the fabled lost whiskey of Sir Ernest Shackleton, which has been mellowing in the permafrost for a century. One can imagine it’s quite smooth at this point, more importantly, it was the booze of the famous explorer. Apparently the whiskey was sitting underneath Shackleton’s hut in Antarctica. The bottles were still in their boxes.
From what it sounds like, they’re not even planning to open them up and enjoy the liquor of a great man. What a waste.
I had been planning an expedition to find the hidden hooch, so you can imagine this news comes are a great shock to me. I have been preparing myself to deal with cold weather and other dangers of such an expedition. Only a matter of weeks ago, I braved a snow storm to get to the liquor store and buy bourbon. This was a training exercise, and one I did not feel I needed to do again this past weekend, when the Washington area was hit with another huge snow storm.
I had a picture in my head of what the moment would be like when I found the lost whiskey. I would have braved the elements, battled frostbite and worse, just to open those boxes. When I would have found them, I would reach into my backpack and retrieve a glass, crack open a bottle, and enjoy my victory with nothing but the harsh Antarctic winds as a witness. That dream can never happen now.
It could be said that the New Zealand Antarctic Heritage Trust has ruined by life. I now have to find some other goal to which I can devote my efforts. Perhaps I’ll learn how to scuba dive and recover booze from shipwrecks.