I was so close. I nearly made it. I almost went the entire winter without having a significant illness. In case you are wondering, and missed You Missed It last Friday, there was no Minute last week not because I thought we had President’s Day off, but I was sick. Horribly, horribly sick.
I had the flu, which I came down with the Saturday of that weekend. I’m not talking about the give-me-some-Theraflu-and-tissues kind of flu, I’m talking about the get-the-hell-out-of-my-way-I-need-to-get-to-the-bathroom kind. And, of course, it had to happen to me on a weekend, when everyone else is out doing whatever they want. I was stuck listening to the television.
Ever wonder what it’s like to lie there and listen to National Treasure, it’s only slightly better than watching it.
I was pretty much alone the whole time that I was sick, and you’re welcome for that, humanity. There are some things a person should never have to see, I believe on that list is trash bag full of someone’s pre-enjoyed pepperoni pizza and Guinness. But through all this, I had a lot of time to think, and I came up with some great advantages to being that sick.
It’s a great workout. Think about how much your abdominal muscles have to work to make you heave just once. That’s probably at least 20 sit-ups’ worth. In a single session of pouring out some dinner for one’s dead homies, there have to me a good half-dozen heaves. It’s like a workout. Afterward you’re sweaty, you smell and you actually feel pretty good. My body decided I needed a six-pack. That’s the way I look at it.
No faster way to lose weight. It’s not fun, nor is it healthy, but once you come out on the other side of a stomach bug like that, you realize that your pants suddenly fit a little better. Perhaps it’s the fact that you didn’t eat anything for a good 36 hours. Also, think about all the money you save. You’re not going out to buy food, or shopping for anything else, for that matter.
Everything tastes great. When you’re finally up for trying to put something into your stomach, there’s nothing like that first taste. For me, it was flat ginger ale. After going so long without having a single thing to taste, I was having the greatest ginger ale in the world. It was like God had made that batch of ginger ale personally, and just dropped it off in my fridge. I wish I could enjoy what I eat and drink like that all the time.
The good news is, folks, that I’m back and 100%. I survived that nasty bug, and while I don’t recommend catching it, at least you know it won’t kill you. And as you’re lying in bed wracked with fever pains, think about just how good you have it, after all.