The McBournie Minute: My package is over-stimulated

Unless you have been walking around with your fingers iny your ears going, “La la la la la!” for the better part of a year (and if you are, how did you click on this?), you probably know that there’s something very, very bad with the economy right now. As any Republican will tell you, it’s all President Barack Obama’s fault, but as any Democrat will tell you, it’s all President George Bush’s fault, and Nancy Pelosi is really very nice in person.

So yes, there is a recession on, and it’s been on for a while now. Technically, it’s been on since the end of 2007, we just didn’t know it untul much later. In any case, consumers are scared. Maybe it’s that people keep losing their jobs, maybe it’s that the news media likes to keep showing scary graphics with loud noises, but there’s a panic.

In order to help us in this time of economic downturn (that’s what we’re calling it, right?), companies have launched ad campaigns that do their best to remind us that spending money on their goods/services is way more responsible than saving money. They all offer various “stimulus packages” like they think it’s funny. Midas has their own version for car maintenance, and that one may be an OK claim, because it saves money in the long run. Car companies, restaurants, you name it, they all have their own spin on it.

But the worst offender is, you guessed it, Domino’s Pizza.

While Pizza Hut is busy trying to convince you that they make good pasta, Domino’s is expanding the federal bureaucracy. They have their own Secretary of Taste. (They moved around the S in “state.” Get it?) We started seeing these commercials shortly after January 20. In fact, the nameless Secretary of Taste may have been the first confirmed member of Obama’s cabinet.

At any rate, the guy claims to be helping out America by giving us new kinds of pizza that will surely help us in life or something. Personally, I find this guy, and is faux Oval Office set, annoying as hell. I am one who does not like to be told what to do, in fact, I am likely to yell at my television should a commercial strike me as a little pushy. I react even worse when a politician tells me what to do. So you can imagine my reaction when the two are combined.

I fully realize that companies see this as a prime opportunity to capitalize on the fear of the future and the spirit of change that seems to be so popular these days, but this is not some marketing ploy. This is a crisis. This is not something to make a ploy off of. People are losing their jobs and companies are hemorrhaging money. Until these companies figure that out, they’re not getting any stimulus from me.