The McBournie Minute: Space tourism–without the hassle of going to Russia

As far back as the 1950s, men wanted to go into space, not by a rocket, but by a glider with a rocket attached to it. That idea was soon ruled out as crazy, because, well, good god, why would anyone ever want to do that? But now, we have Richard Branson, billionaire and noted crazy person, who wants to do it.

Space flight could be just around the corner for everyone who isn’t Lance Bass. The dream of going into space is just around the corner, thanks to Virgin Galactic, which is working on the first commercial space flight service. The company is one step closer now, with the successful test flight of its glider. It didn’t go into space or anything, but it flew–and landed–safely.

Some of you wannabe space tourists are salivating now, but I am here to tell you, I will never go on one of those things.

First off, the seats cost $200,000, and let me just put it this way: this blog isn’t paying enough to put me in that price range at the moment. I’d imagine most other people out there can’t do it, either, because they have things like school loans, mortgages or alimony to pay. Sir Richard, you have failed us. It’s time to get Southwest Airlines into the space program, only without that cursed wait-in-line-forever-style seating method.

As I understand it, even if you can buy a ticket on one of those space flights, you’re going to be buckled into your seat the whole time, anyway. In essence, you’re just on a small, really quiet plane that’s a bit out of range for your cell phone to pick up a signal–even though you’re not supposed to be using it anyway. Are there bathrooms on these flights? What about meals? That’s a stupid question, there aren’t meals on flights anymore.

I have a lot of experience flying on commercial airlines, so I’m pretty calm the whole time, except for take off and landing, because I have watched too many documentaries, and know that by far, if your aircraft is going to crash, that’s when it’s most likely to happen. I hate that feeling when the plane is just about to touch down and a gust of wind tilts a wing just slightly, because I’m afraid that we are going to cartwheel down the runway. What can I say? I am an optimist.

But then again, a plane crash can be one of the most comforting parts about a flight, right up there with the hot towels, because at least you know that if something goes wrong, it will be over soon. In space, that may never happen. You may be orbiting Earth long after your your peanuts and pretzels have run out, all because something went wrong.

And besides, they’re decades away from commercializing space walks. I’m holding out until then.