I’m not really sure what kind of a world we live in, anymore–at least as far as movies are concerned. Judd Apatow makes a serious (and disappointing) movie, Johnny Depp and Michael Mann somehow manage to flop at the box office, and some alien-Guantanamo thing is #1. What the hell?
The country right now is all about sequels or related spin-offs. Just take a gander at Transformers 2: Revenge of the Volume Dial and G.I. Joe. Hasbro is trying to get their nostalgia products formed into a movie genre aimed at the 25 and under crowd, plus toy sales. I get that movie makers want to stick with franchises that work, but do we really need a G.I. Joe 2?
Instead, let’s go with another Hasbro toy: Play-Doh.
It was an average day in North America, when everything changed. Something fell from the sky like hail, when they hit the ground they exploded. Those who survived looked into the craters and found canisters of brightly-colored dough that smelled funny. Because of the onslaught, the U.S. government is in crisis mode and America’s enemies smell blood in the water. It’s up to a band of misfits to assemble the dough and create a weapon to defend freedom from all challengers.
We know that there is going to be a fourth Spider-Man movie, and it was just announced that there will be fifth and sixth editions to this once-powerful franchise. After crapping the bed with the third one (too many bad guys and dancing Peter, not enough introspection), they’re going to make ANOTHER trilogy of these. They’ve killed off most of the characters from the first three, so the soap opera/ Shakespearean feel has to be lost. And do we really want more Spider-Man anyway?
Since the movies have had epic tones to them, let’s combine genres. Take a super hero movie, but do it as if it had been written by The Bard himself. Hey, if Shakespeare worked in 1997, he can work now!
After their break up and quasi-rectification, Peter Parker is still in the dog house with Mary Jane Watson. Parker, still the broke everyman with spider powers and a gig at the Daily Bugle, is short on cash, so he borrows money from a lender in New York so he can woo his love again. That lender comes in contact with the remnants of the symbiote suit and soon loses his mind to its powers. Calling himself Carnage, he now terrorizes Manhattan, leaving a trail of bodies where ever he goes. When he learns Spider-Man’s secret identity, he demands a pound of flesh. Now, Spidey and Carnage are on a collision course only the Anti-Defamation League can stop.
As for the next Pirates of the Caribbean and Ghostbusters sequels, folks, you’re on your own.