We live in a disposable world. Done with that food? Throw it out. Through with your old cell phone in favor of a new one? To the trash bin! Tired of that annoying friend? Heave him into the dumpster! But there is a new trend growing: re-purposing.
Across the world, people are taking objects they already own and using them for things other than their original use, or buying IKEA book shelves but instead making them into TV stands. This spirit of reuse is catching on worldwide faster than Crocs with white people.
There’s something useful about this in our ongoing War on Animals. It’s Sun Tzu-esque. Part of this growing re-purpose trend is taking an enemy, and making it somehow useful. Yes, we are witnessing the dawn of the re-purposing of animals, something we have not done since our ancestors re-purposed them into food, clothing and piano keys.
In Northern Ireland, farmers have finally found a use for the cow, aside from milk, beef, leather, rawhide and more cows. Power!
Ingenious agrarians are now using the notoriously lazy grass eaters for something worthwhile by putting them on a treadmill and making them power the farm. This works out well, because the farmers get free electricity, and the heft heifers are looking slimmer than ever.
Some say that if we got all of the world’s cows off their asses and doing something productive on a treadmill, they could supply 6% of the world’s power. I think this could be expanded to most creatures larger than a dog. If we could capture all of them and make them walk on a treadmill to supply us with electricity, we would be unstoppable–and one degree closer to the machines in The Matrix.
Parts of Australia have sinned against God, and refuse to let the Jews go, which is why they are now being ravaged by millions and millions of locusts. The swarms of grasshoppers have been destroying crops and making life rather difficult for some towns.
One pizzeria found an opportunity in the tragedy: make locust pizza! It’s a brilliant idea, it plays upon the cheap and available locust population, the locals’ hatred for the bugs, and the fact that Australians will eat anything. Plus, it sends the insects a stern message. When life gives you locusts, make locust pizza!
So join me and find new ways to use our enemies against themselves. Turn their numbers from an advantage for them and into an advantage for us.