I own a cell phone. Yes, I know. You probably just think I have it as some sort of status symbol, but really, I do have a phone with me where ever I go. A growing number of people do, as it turns out, and they may or may not be getting head cancer from it. No matter!
For over a year and a half, I have used the LG Dare. Simple, slim, touch screen, reliable. It was a dumb phone that was just smart enough for what I needed when I got it, and it is still about all I need today. Unfortunately, the cell phone market is a racket, and my phone may or may not be on its last legs. Meanwhile, I have two months until I get to trade it in.
The Dare had worked great until recently. Now, it seems to have a mind of its own. I don’t know how, but it is haunted.
I know what you’re thinking, and “Ghost Phone” sounds like a great movie title, and probably a project Bill Cosby would be interested in, but no, it has become my nightmare. Earlier today, the ghost that entered my phone recently took hold of my cell phone and started writing a text message that consisted entirely of smiley faces. I am serious here. I watched my phone do this this morning as it sit on my desk at work.
Some might say, “Hmmmm, maybe it’s caused by that band of condensation in the corner of your screen that happens to be where your text message icon and symbol buttons are, so maybe the sensor if broken or something because of all the humidity in the summer air.” But I say, hell no, it’s a damn ghost, and a happy one at that.
But my cell phone has no control over me. The same cannot be said for those who have sold their souls to the iPhone. Last week, people waited in line for hours to be the first to get the new iPhone 4 from AT&T. For the non-iPhone users, that sounds like craziness. For the soulless, I’ll be clear: you waited hours in line for a poorly tested piece of machinery that does not do much more than your last iPhone did, and you paid out the ass for it. Tell me you didn’t want it before you knew what it did, I dare you. Get a job, volunteer your time, do something useful. If you must iWhore, be like our own Chugs “Chris” Taylor, and order it online.
In any case, most cell phone companies want to sign you up for two years, your cell phone battery will last exactly 18 months. You will be lucky if your phone makes it to the full two years, because you know you don’t take care of it. Remember that time you woke up after a crazy night and found your cell phone sitting in the water glass next to your bed? Exactly.
They make cell phones that work in Afghanistan, right? Maybe we just need that technology. All I want is something that will make it through the full 24 months without a problem. I would love to continue this rant, but I need to e-mail the Ghostbusters. You see, I can’t even call them.
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