Before we begin, I’d like to apologize for the lack of You Missed It last week. I was actually in the process of writing it up when my laptop died. Not like the battery died or it just froze up and I had to reboot. I mean, dead. It’s being sent back to the nice people at Toshiba because it’s under warranty, and for the time being I am on my crappy old laptop, hence forth known as the craptop. Now, on with the show!
As much as I hate the entertainment industry, I can’t avoid it all the time. Sometimes it comes to find me. I guess that’s OK, because I know where to find it, and just because it knocks on my door with its big, hairy fist doesn’t mean I have to answer it. That being said, I’m going to give a run-down of a few Hollywood items that came across my desk which has more or less confirmed my suspicion that I’m not missing out on things I’m missing out on.
Also, I figure I need to try to appeal to more than just my usual demographic, the white male 20-somethings who have a thing for excessive use of punctuation. Here I come, tweens!
Spencer Pratt, star of the “reality” show The Hills, is going to put down is blonde “wife,” step away from the cameras, and fight cyberterrorism. Why, you ask? Because he got death threats online against both he and his wife, Heidi Montag, a few years back, or several of Heidi’s faces ago. He wanted to fight back, but didn’t know how. So now he’s teaming up a firearms firm in Los Angeles. Expect some sternly-worded public service announcements, people.
Peter Graves is dead. Hmmm, imagine that, a dude named Graves, going to be buried. No one gets to write their own obituary, much less read it, but I have to imagine that if Graves had been able to, he’d be pissed with the media. Sure, all the headlines noted that he was the star on Mission: Impossible for years, but Jim Phelps took a back seat to Capt. Clarence Oveur, the pilot he played in Airplane! It seemed like every story about his death came with a picture from the movie, which was basically him making fun of himself and the serious roles he had always portrayed. Let’s just hope they have more taste on his grave. PETER GRAVES, MARCH 1926 – MARCH 2010, “YOU EVER SEE A GROWN MAN NAKED?”
And finally, James Cameron recently said he will raise the Titanic. Not literally, that’s impossible, besides, it’s in two pieces. Actually, he’s going to bring it back to theaters in 3-D. Yes, that means Kate Winslet, and I mean Kate Winslet 13 years ago, full frontal, in 3-D. For me, that will be like re-living puberty.
A “Friends” joke in the headline? How far the mighty have fallen.
Next thing you know it’ll be “Something About Raymond”, followed by “Two And A Half Men”, and finally “Glee”. Yikes.
RIP Peter Graves. I hope he’s hanging out after school in the big boy’s locker room in the sky.
And I hope they’re screening films about gladiators.