Wedding season is here, and with it, the crazy brides-to-be doing crazy things and generally making everyone else crazy with them in the process. I don’t want to overstate my position here, but weddings have the ability to take a rational adult female and turn her into the type of person that will cry if you don’t understand how important bread selection is for the reception.
We live in an enlightened society with empowered women, but that doesn’t stop most of them from wanting to have a princess wedding, and in order to get that, everything has to be perfect. That includes how they themselves look. Sure, searching for the right wedding dress seems overly complicated in the eyes of the average dude, but getting just the right fit is important to women.
Losing weight can be a huge deal, and brides-to-be are willing to try some crazy things to lose weight.
A lot of my friends have gotten married, so I’m familiar with the push to diet and exercise to look your best on the big day, but let’s face it, diet and exercise can be a lot of work. What if you could lose about 20 lbs. in a little over a week? You can, if you can find the right doctor.
It’s called the K-E diet, and it’s all the range in Italy and Spain. Like every other “healthy” weight-loss plan, it’s making its way to the U.S. It’s simple: you let your doctor put a feeding tube up your nose and down your throat. The tube has a slow drip of liquid that is basically just enough to keep you going, with 800 calories per day and 0 carbs. For 10 days, you don’t eat, you don’t drink, but you do get a little backed up, and your breath smells terrible. But the good news is that you get to shed those 20 lbs. that you are sure to gain back on the honeymoon.
But isn’t rapid weight loss unsafe? Ha! That shows how little you understand, dear reader. What exactly is “unsafe”? Is crossing a street unsafe? Cutting a wedding cake? Flying? There are all sorts of dangers that brides will face leading up to their weddings, so what difference does the risk of passing out, or long-term kidney damage really matter?
The best part is that American weddings are usually quiet, inexpensive affairs, so the bride tends to have money to blow on something like an unnecessary, potentially dangerous medical procedure. Ladies, for just $1,500 a day, or, you know, $15,000 for the whole thing, you can lose weight without working for it.
Or you could just be happy with who you are.