The McBournie Minute: Tips for surviving any storm

In case you missed the sound of wind lashing the side of the building, Hurricane Sandy is here, which means that federal workers and schoolchildren alike have the day off. Many of us don’t have that luxury, and have been forced to either go into work, or to work from home, all the while wondering when that tree is going to fall on our car.

Sandy is no ordinary hurricane, not by a longshot. Named for every meteorologists’ favorite character from Grease, Sandy is fresh off of wreaking havoc in the Caribbean, it chugged its way up to the U.S., and was actually heading out to sea when a cold front pulled it back in, like Michael Corleone in The Godfather Part III. (Hurricane Sandy is a big movie buff.) And now it’s combining with that cold front and a nor’easter to turn into what NOAA has dubbed the “Frankenstorm.”

Let’s remember, this is a dangerous storm and everyone in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast needs to take this seriously. So I put together some safety tips for all of you.

Stock up on supplies
In any emergency situation, it’s important to have enough supplies to get you through it all. Remember that in this situation there is a very real chance that you will lose power, so you need to act accordingly. Granted you probably should have done this before the storm hit, but at least there won’t be any lines at the grocery store, and swerving to miss fallen trees and downed power lines makes any trip more exciting.

Make sure you have:

• Matches and batteries, because if the lights go out, it’s fun to shock your friends (paper clips required) and light things on fire.
• A  lot of ice cream. Let’s face it, you’ve been meaning to get some, and when the power goes out, you’ve got a great reason to eat the whole damn thing. Once you eat all of it, you should have enough calories and fat to keep you going until the power comes back on in a couple days.
• Beer. You know how they sometimes say water quality goes bad during storms? Beer is made from purified water and won’t go bad on you. Besides, there’s a whole bunch of water falling from the sky and it seems to be causing problems. Beer, on the other hand, is sitting there politely, waiting for you to sip it.

Get your house in order
With any storm, you face the risk of being kept indoors for hours or even days at a time. In situations like this, the people you live with can become increasingly annoying, which is why it’s important to hide any potential weapons, like sharp or heavy objects, and any guns you may have lying around. Hide them in a place where only you can find them, and when the time is right, strike and strike hard.

Of course, there’s a good chance that most of you have already lost power and can’t read this, in which case, you’re SOL.