The McBournie Minute: We need more guns in movie theaters

Welcome back from the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa break. I would like to tell you how much I missed you, but I’m afraid it might bring me to tears.

Speaking of things that make the entire world sad, the New England Patriots were bounced from the playoffs yesterday because the stupid New York Brett Favres couldn’t get points on the board. The Pats are the first NFL 11-5 team to miss the playoffs since 1985. Nevertheless, QB Matt Cassel did an amazing job of stepping in for the martyred Tom Brady. New England will miss him when he signs with Detroit Minnesota Tampa Bay next season.

Moving on, yet another thing that happened during the break, a guy allegedly shot another guy for talking during a movie. Oddly enough, it happened in Philadelphia.

You’re probably expecting me to go on some tirade about how Philly sucks and people shouldn’t have guns. Wrong. I say give people more guns.

First off, it was a showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which I will admit is a strange movie for a dude carrying a gun to go see, but let’s not get stereotypical here. A movie is a movie. How annoying is it when someone’s talking during a movie? Even if it’s a whisper, it’s totally distracting. And when people pull out their cell phones, isn’t that so annoying? Your eyes get diverted immediately.

These things make me angry, too. When I went to see The Dark Knight this summer, (spoiler alert!) some fanboy who had seen the movie already screamed like a girl when they showed Two-Face for the first time. It was obviously just for laughs.

And recently, when I went to go see The Tale of Despereaux (even though I hate the French), the audience would not stop talking. “Is that a mouse, Mommy?” They kept asking at full volume. They would even announce when they were scared. Someone kept kicking my seat, too. It got so bad I had to stand up and yell at everyone. Sure, they were mostly kids aged 5-10, but kids are people too, and people are supposed to behave like adults.

I say we bring more guns into movies. We need more guns in general. As a society, Americans seem to be getting worse and worse with their manners. No one’s considerate for anyone else around them anymore. What better a way to change this than for everyone to carry a gun? If you think someone might be packing, you’re much more likely to doff your hat and say “Good day” to them as you pass them on the street. If Granny has a gun, you will probably be more inclined to give up your seat on the bus for her.

At the very least, it would keep wide receivers away.

2 thoughts on “The McBournie Minute: We need more guns in movie theaters”

  1. I’ll give the Pats credit where credit is due, fine season. I honestly think New England has a lot to mull over when it comes to keeping an aging, post-injury Brady, or the up-and-coming Matt Cassell. The system is flawed, but at least not as bad as college football.

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