The McBournie Minute: Wine, women and weight

Women readers, and I mean both of you, it’s time we had a chat.

You’re getting older–everyone is–but you’re getting increasingly worried about how age could affect you and the looks you strive so hard to maintain. It’s easier for men, even in their younger years, they don’t need much upkeep, they don’t even really care if they put on a few pounds or get a little salt in their pepper. For some reason, they still look good.

Meanwhile, you ladies have to deal with a society that constantly judges you on your looks. From childhood, you were conditioned to want to look pretty, and it was reinforced when other girls would either mock you or respect you based on your appearance. Now that you’re getting older, perhaps you’re worried about gaining weight with age, not to mention childbirth. Science has a solution: alcohol.

A new study, which will be published in the Archives of Internal Medicine (sounds important, so it must be), found that women who drink moderately gain fewer pounds than those who don’t drink. The study focuses on wine, which I guess is something most women drink, but I’m sure it goes just as well for appletinis, redheaded sluts and wine coolers, too.

Maybe I’m just a sensitive, modern, concerned man, but I am a big proponent of women’s health. Roughly half the people I know are women, so this is an issue close to my heart.  Sure, smoking can also make you lose weight, but it also has some major side effects, like death. Booze, on the other hand, helps you keep the weight off and makes your boyfriend or husband’s conversation seem far more interesting.

The study says that drinking should not be a choice made to lose weight, only diet and exercise hold the key to that, but really, isn’t it about time you uncorked that bottle in the kitchen? Healthy people have healthy habits, and what better way to ensure your health than to become a habitual drinker?

There are so many other great bi-products from the consumption of alcohol. You get meet new people if you go out drinking somewhere, you get to try new drinks and explore new tastes, and best of all, guys like women who drink, and are more likely to get involved with someone who likes drinking with them. So ladies, stop feeling guilty for wanting to numb the pain of the world and the pressures society puts upon you as you prove your worth to the boys club. Here’s to your health.