I’ve seen enough “Shirley” references on the Internets to last me through this mourning period. I keenly feel the loss of Leslie Nielsen, as he played a major role in the shaping of my humor in my formative years, and his comedies stand up even today. We’ll miss you, Enrico Pallazzo.
You may not have heard about this, but is now the holiday season. That means it’s time to get cheery, damn it! You express your Christmas/ Hanukkah/ Kwanzaa/ Ramadan/ Boxing Day spirit by putting up lights, acting like a buffoon in retail stores and drinking to excess at parties. Christians add a bit more on to this: the Christmas card.
Yesterday I was walking out of the grocery store, filled with warm and fuzzy feelings about those important to me, and how I should make an effort to maintain those relationships. I thought that perhaps I should send them some sort of a message letting them know that they are in my thoughts, and that I am doing well.
Then I realized I was thinking about Christmas cards, and I stopped thinking about other people.
You see, I am a single, 27-year-old male. I have no business sending Christmas cards. Better known as justification for the U.S. Postal Service’s existence, are for other people, older people, people whose lives are more settled than my own. They are one of the sneakiest forms of communication from the pre-Internet world.
Coming across as a warm greeting for a cold season, a Christmas card is really a vessel for people to brag about their family’s and their own accomplishments in the past year, and to make sure people have a more recent picture of their children, in case they should happen across them some day. Today, we call them status messages and tweets.
If you’re married, have children, are over 35, or some combination of those, it is perfectly acceptable for you to be sending out Christmas cards, but if you’re not, don’t bother. Does anyone really want a Christmas card from someone who is young, single and has no children out of wedlock? Here’s an example:
Dear [Your Name],
Merry Christmas! I hope this card finds you and yours doing well, and I hope you are enjoying the holiday season. It’s been too long since the last time we talked.
This has been a pretty big year for me. I got a new job, still in the same industry, but with another company with a better atmosphere and better insurance plans. I know you were wondering, that’s why I included that. So … yeah. Still living in the same place. Still have the same roommate. I did some traveling this year, a lot more than I’ve done in a while. If I didn’t already send you the pictures, then you’re probably not important enough. Who actually sends pictures anymore, anyway?
Here’s wishing you the brightest of holidays!
Bryan McBournie