Warm face, lubricated heart

Greek researchers have devised a new method for identifying drunks: thermal scanning their faces.

Every drinker has 20 points on their face that warm up when booze is consumed, and the more you drink, the more those spots heat up. And, of those spots, certain ones heat up more than others, indicating just how many sheets you’ve hoisted into the wind. Your nose, for example, gets considerably warmer than your forehead once you begin to tie one on in earnest.

So, if you’re looking to elude capture in the future, Space Drinkers, you’ll just have to cut off your head. Hopefully, medical science will allow that; otherwise, you can only do it once.