Yet another team kept at bay by wildlife

Admittedly, we’re discussing the World Cup far more than we anticipated, because the football that we know and love is played with your hands, but just because America yawns at the tournament doesn’t mean that the animals don’t see the high-value target that is an international event such as this.

The Germans have not been able to go outside their hotel room except to go play or practice. They have been holed up for weeks now, but they are just now being allowed to go into town, where it is safe. Why can’t they just walk around the hotel grounds? Big friggin’ iguanas. That’s why.

“Normally nothing should happen walking there but if you go too close to the river then the iguanas, and they are quite big, can swing their tails and have been known to break several bones. Luckily nothing of that sort has happened yet,” said German team Manager Oliver Bierhoff, which sounds like a name you laughed at in middle school.