You Missed It: Apocalypse now edition

I try to learn something new every week. Last week, I learned hoe to put the seat back down after I pee. This week, I learned about the IMF. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the head of IMF, was arrested and charged with week with sexual assault. The news itself is pretty shocking, but what surprised me the most was that Strauss-Kahn was the head of IMF. I always thought it was Jim Phelps. If you were busy faking a child botox story, odds are you missed it.

The end is near
You have probably heard by now that a group of crazy people Christians believes that the world is going to end tomorrow, beginning with the rapture, just like the Bible promises. Sure, the Bible also says mankind will not know the day the Big Guy decides to end it all, but that’s not stopping these folks. However, this could be why Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to fathering a child with a former house worker. The End of Days star is repenting.

Someone’s not planning on meeting God on Saturday
Stephen Hawking this week said that the idea of Heaven is nothing but a “fairy story,” which is just another quaint term the British have come up with. He said that computers don’t have a Heaven, and like those machines, when a person’s parts break down, it’s life ends and that’s it. Hawking forgot about the fact that machines are closer and closer to being self-aware, thus becoming able to repair themselves forever. How could such a brilliant man miss such a huge point? Perhaps the machines have already gotten to his speaking computer thing.

And if that wasn’t enough, zombies, too
In both the television show and graphic novel forms of The Walking Dead, the Centers for Disease Control plays a crucial role in figuring out a way to stop the zombie virus before the undead kill off all of humanity. This week, the CDC didn’t announce a cure, but they did acknowledge the existence of zombies, encouraging everyone to have an emergency kit in case the dead begin to rise. Food, water, tools and other supplies are listed, but the CDC fails to include baseball bats or shotguns. Thanks, CDC, my closet full of rolls of toilet paper will really come in handy when the zeds break down my door.