I’m writing this from my bunker. I’d tell you where it is, but then everyone would want to get in. With unrest in the Middle East and North Africa, and a devastating earthquake in Japan, I’ve decided it’s probably the end of times. I’m holed up here with a large amount of beef jerky, a bit of fresh water, and of course, Jack Daniel’s. I just wish I hadn’t forgotten toilet paper. If you were getting yourself fired from your hit show, odds are you missed it.
People will do anything to avoid bag fees
A flight attendant with Australian airline Virgin Blue lost his job this week for allegedly stowing a baby in an overhead compartment. The flight attendant said he was joking around with the parents. This has to have been a joke, you don’t put babies an overheard storage compartment. Everyone knows you put them in a cage and check them when you get your tickets.
Goodbye, Dalai
The Dalai Lama announced that he is ready to retire as head of the Tibetan exile government, which essentially means he writes books and goes on talk shows. “Tibetans need a leader, elected freely by the Tibetan people, to whom I can devolve power,” he said. “Now, we have clearly reached the time to put this into effect.” Wow, the turmoil in the East has claimed yet another brutal, oppressive dictator’s career.
Cleveland not knocking, apparently
A 9.1 magnitude earthquake struck off the coast of Japan today, killing hundreds between the quake itself and the tsunami that followed. There’s nothing funny about that, it’s tragic. But in tough times like these, our local media outlets are here to let us know that everything is going to be OK. The people of Cleveland can rest easy tonight, as its own WTAM news radio is reporting that the “Japan earthquake will have no effect on Ohio.“