Welcome to the final You Missed it of 2008. (Normally abbreviated as YMI, but also known as TMI to iPhone users.) If you are expecting a grand review of 2008: The Year That Was–Numerically Inevitable After 2007, then you will get your wish. Technically, it’s only covering April on, since that is when this feature started, but nevertheless, let’s take a look back on the stories that would have changed your world if you had read this the first time around.
If you were busy getting engaged while still a suspect in your current wife’s disappearance, odds are you missed it.
FLAME ON! And off … and on again
The 2008 Beijing Olympics was one of the most overarching themes of the year. Things got off to a great start when human rights protesters in cities around the world caused the Olympic torch run to be done in secret in some places and extinguished temporarily several dozen times. Then it was the concern over pollution in the city, so China shut down all of its factories in the area for a few months, driving up the prices in just about everything for the summer.
As the games went on, we learned that the Olympic Village is basically a huge orgy, due to the fact that everyone is really fit and exercise raises hormone levels. Michael Phelps swam his way to eight gold medals and other athletes–uh oh, I said the M-P words. I can’t resist, must chant! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Still the cheapest form of entertainment
The world showed its freaky-deeky side in 2008, with not one but two incidents uncovered of a father hiding his daughter in a dungeon and having children with her–because, you know, that’s really the kind of news that you can make jokes about.
Not to be outdone, the U.S. had a level of sex scandals not seen since the Clinton Administration. We had crazy Mormons in Texas (Texas?) being raided for claims of underage marriages. We had former Sen. John Edwards caught cheating (and probably fathering an illegitimate child). We had New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer transporting prostitutes across state lines and getting snagged by the FBI. But the one we were all waiting for never came. Oprah still maintains she likes men.
Another damn mention of the election
If there was one story that just refused to go away this year, it was the presidential election. For a reason no pundit on AM radio can explain, Sen. John McCain won the Republican nomination, and for an even less explainable situation, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin was selected as his running mate. Hilarity ensued. Speaking of Hilarity, Sen. Hillary Clinton lost in a long, protracted battle to Sen. Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination. Sen. Joe Biden was tapped as a running mate, which came as a shock to many.
The story ends with happily for all. Obama and Biden are getting new jobs in a month, and Clinton (probably) gets to be secretary of state. McCain and Palin lost, bu McCain can go back to the Senate and shooing kids off of his eight lawns. Palin can get back to being folksy.