Good afternoon. I wanted to speak to all of you today because I have a very important message for all of you. I know that many of you have been calling for me to step down at once, but for the good of the blog, I cannot heed that request in good conscience. Good to your houses, go back to work. Wait, you can’t do both, can you? Either way, I’m not stepping down. If you were busy being elevated to the stage on Sunday for a grand total of 30 seconds before being lowered back down again, odds are you missed it.
Guitar Hero is dead. Long live Guitar Hero
The game-changing video game Guitar Hero is officially dead. Well, it’s mothballed at least, as far as Activision is concerned. The game maker cited declining sales as its reasoning for stopping production of new Guitar Hero games for now. Also a reason: People have hated music games since bars brought them in. It’s like karaoke, but worse.
In 1796, President George Washington gave his farewell address as he left office, and public life, for the last time. He warned against the U.S. getting itself into entangling treaties, and of course, married Congressmen posting shirtless personal ads of themselves on Craigslist. Rep. Chris Lee of New York stepped down this week after pictures surfaced of him shirtless, and looking for love. The family man apparently didn’t realize that it’s a lot easier to find your husband–or local congressman–online if you include a picture.
And from the world of too much funding
Science told us this week that according to a new study, the more popular a child is, the more likely he or she is to be a bully. The researchers who conducted the study asked for worker’s comp because of injuries related to “excessive atomic wedgies.”