You Missed It: Dick joke edition

This guy has had more leaked photos than the Fappening.
This guy has had more leaked photos than the Fappening.

Oh look, the New England Patriots are 3-0! I know you guys probably hate the Pats, but I get to gloat. You can either sit through it or scroll down. The NFL, led by the crybaby Colts, wanted to hurt the smug Patriots for a BS rule violation other quarterbacks say they break routinely, by suspending Tom Brady, the greatest of our time. Everyone thought that was going to handicap the season. And wouldn’t you know, they’re 75% of the way through the suspension and undefeated. They just blanked Houston and J.J. Watt, who found time between shooting commercials with Peyton Manning and Papa John to play some defense. This is fun. Are you guys having fun? I am. If you were busy posting that stupid “describe yourself in three characters” on Facebook this week, odds are you missed it.

Carlos Danger is bad at secrets
This week, Anthony Weiner, the one-man answer to the question “Is sex addiction really a thing?” got caught again. According to reports, this time he was sexting a 15-year-old girl. Just weeks after getting caught–again–and his wife filing for divorce, a high school girl said she has been carrying on a months-long sexting relationship with Weiner, 51. But I think everyone deserves a 16th chance, don’t you?

Let’s hop on the sponsored content train
A new study finds that smoking can damage your DNA for 30 years, and sometimes permanently. But really, if you’re smoking that much, aren’t those the same thing? That same news, sponsored by Phillip Morris: A new study finds that smoking is so cool, it injects coolness into your DNA–sometimes permanently. So light one up today, you’ll be cool inside and out.

Smith family broken
Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt this week. There, now you can tune out your girlfriend when she starts talking about it this weekend.

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