You Missed It: Double jeopardy edition

Sorry if this entry is somewhat brief, I’m doing my best not to move. It’s basically the only way I can stay cool at this point. Well, there’s that and drinking while you’re in the office. You might as well, because odds are your employer doesn’t want you dying of heatstroke–at least not on company property. If you were busy getting ready for Shark Week, odds are you missed it.

Your move, Pat Sajak
Alex Trebek had a pretty big shock recently at a San Francisco hotel when he woke up to the sounds of a woman rifling through he and his wife’s things while they slept. Trebek leaped out of bed and chased the woman down the hallway before he hurt his Achilles tendon. In an interview after the incident, Trebek said the thief had a head start on him because he paused to put on underwear before giving chase. (Not making this up.) Yes, the 71-year-old Jeopardy! host sleeps naked. Too many answers.

Not as Happy Meal
In an effort to fight childhood obesity, McDonald’s is changing up it’s Happy Meal to make it healthier. Instead of a cheeseburger, fries and soda, kids can now choose choose 1% milk or fat-free chocolate milk instead of soda, or some apple slices, they can also between getting fewer fries than they used to. The only thing about the apple slices is that they are deep fried and covered in caramel.

Punting the debt ceiling
The U.S. is in grave danger, and I’m not talking the type daily danger Fox News tells me we face based on what President Barack Obama said during a photo-op, I’m talking about real, financial danger. The U.S. is just days away from defaulting on its loans, which would mean a downgrade in credit rating unless the debt ceiling is raised. Republicans in Congress are squaring off with each other over a plan to–oh, who the hell cares, FOOTBALL IS BACK!