No one likes watching women golf, not even women golfers, but the LPGA Australian Open has had some exciting moments this week. First, a golfer got bitten by a poisonous spider, so she drained the puss using a tee and shot a 74. Then, play had to be suspended yesterday because a pack, (or flock, or whatever) of kangaroos invaded the golf course and had to be shooed away. If you’re an early rock ‘n roller who filed a lawsuit over the use of your name for an app measuring the size of your manhood this week, odds are you missed it.
It’s always Russia
If you’re reading this, we made it. An asteroid passed only 17,500 miles from Earth and missed us, thanks to a team led by Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck, or a team led by Robert Duvall. However, an unrelated meteorite tore across the Russian skies this morning, exploding in the air and sending shock waves strong enough to shatter windows and injure hundreds of people. Reports say the shock wave was strong that some citizens dropped their morning glass of vodka.
Let’s go to the political theater
On Tuesday, President Barack Obama gave his first State of the Union speech of his second term. He told us that the state of the union is strong. As the Republican rebuttal, Sen. Mark Rubio of Florida told us that the state of the union is thirsty. Pundits and internet jokesters alike had a field day, but for my money, the highlight of the night was when Beyoncé performed at halftime.
The poop deck
The Carnival Triumph cruise ship had a massive power loss in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. For days, food went bad, toilets overflowed and brownish “water” flowed down the walls and hallways, all while baking under the hot sun. The ship was finally towed to port, but to add insult to injury, the port was Mobile, Alabama. On a brighter note, I have a theme for my next party.
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