You Missed It: The Imus moment edition

Everyone keeps talking to me about how it’s Friday the 13th. That has never really bothered me, I have found that wearing my ancient hockey mask does wonders to keep bad things away from me. I think the people who get all freaked out about Friday the 13th are the same people who love observing that the date is 8/9/10, or something like that. In many other countries, they reverse the month and day when giving the date, so I’m sure these people exist elsewhere, obsession over other arbitrary holidays. If you were busy nearly joining American Idol as the new judge, odds are you missed it.

N trouble
Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who is apparently still around and still doing her advice radio show, got herself into trouble this week when an African American listener called in and complained about her white husband and his friend making racially insensitive remarks in her presence. Schlessinger, during the discussion, complained about how the N-word (hint: not “nincompoop”) could be said by blacks but not whites. She went so far as to say the entire word several times and pointed out that it is said on HBO all the time. To be fair, the last time she watch HBO, Roots was on.

The crazy, or just crazy hot? AMIRIGHT?!
College is crazier than ever, according to the greatest f$#*ing study ever, brah. No, really, it’s crazy. According to the American Psychological Association, the number of college kids with mental illnesses is on the rise. Apparently the one time in your life when all your bills are paid, your meals are free and your friends within walking distance can be quite hard. This, if nothing else, can explain why so many college students abuse alcohol–it’s to numb the pain.

It’s re-education time
Most of our country’s best ideas come from Texas–it’s a fact. Look it up. (Then tell me where you found it.) Most recently, Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, uncovered the vast terrorist plot to send people to the U.S. so that they can have American citizen babies and raise them to strike against their home country someday. Federal officials are calling Gohmert’s assertions utter nonsense, but hey, if it happens in Salt, doesn’t that make it real?