Take it from Snee normally takes the easy route and lambasts things that have already happened. Not today, gentle readers. I’m leaving the comfort-zone of the past to attack the future (of this year, anyway). This is what separates the weathermen from the anchor boys. Continue reading Take it from Snee: 2008 Predictions!
Day: January 2, 2008
Wolf can’t hide behind legislation
Go west, young man, and be sure to bring a high-powered rifle along with you. The gray wolf is heading off the endangered species list. Start stockpiling firearms now, the wolf comes off the list in March.
This means we can now resume our work of killing off the species once and for all, without fear of punishment from the federal government. For those of our readers in the New World, gray wolves are basically the type of wolf you imagine when you think of howling at the moon (proof of some sort of relationship with the devil). They are most commonly found out west and in the Canadian wilderness. Go get ’em!
First blow against sagging jeans of 2008
Remember those droopy jeans bans that have been on the voting tables in southern states and how we wondered if they could even be enforced if passed?
Let the wondering end now: a family of six was arrested in Florida mall on drooped jeans-related charges. In this case, we mean “trespassing, dissorderly conduct and resisting arrest,” all of which is routinely caused by wearing your jeans fashionably below the waist and thereby exposing your novelty boxers.
Be on the lookout for saggy jeans in your neighborhood. Should you encounter such an individual/roving gang of stumbling damned, do not take any chances. Contact your local authorities and brandish any sporting equipment on hand.
Crikey! She’s a turncoat
While it may be a new year on the calendar, the same war from before still rages on. We begin 2008 with a strange turn of events in the War on Animals. Terri Irwin, the widow of the Crocodile Hunter, is going to launch a campaign to save the whales.
As we all remember, it was Steve Irwin’s violent death that triggered the war. His widow had been looked upon as a savior of the cause, but it appears to have lost her way. What could have made her go Benedict Arnold on us? Nevertheless, we must fight on and win this necessary and often violent war, regardless of what the risks or costs.