How To: Survive a recession
Posted on July 3, 2008
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Economic wonks will tell you that a recession is two consecutive quarters of economic downturn, which technically, we haven’t had (at least until the reports are in in a few weeks). But we all know times are hard, and that is something we do not need to wait for. You are tired of paying so much for gas, you are tired of being jerked around by bill collectors and you are tired because you did not sleep very well after you got home from your third job.
Because of this, and our ongoing coverage telling you how to escape economic hardship, The Guys present how to survive a recession. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieAquatic life in New Jersey?
Posted on July 3, 2008
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It’s apparently more likely than you’d think.
Some riverbank on the Jersey shore is teeming with dolphins. Wildlife officials are hoping the aquatic mammals will realize how much NJ’s holding them back and leave, perhaps to front the greatest rock band in the world … or maybe storm Broadway (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
In the meantime, the local mooks won’t stop poking the dolphins with sticks and orca recordings, each one thinking they’re some kind of Jack Hanna. Thanks to Animal Planet, every shmoe with cable is bugging officials with ideas to save them, including:
- “[Dropping] down underwater cages to trap them, and then drag them out to the ocean and let them go there.”
- “Bringing up 100 or so kayakers [from Florida] to form a line and use their paddles to herd the dolphins.”
- “[Setting] a string of boats out there with nets and just work them out.”
We here at SeriouslyGuys are shaking our heads at these ideas. Haven’t these people ever heard of fishing?
Written by Rick SneeSwimsuits so good it isn’t fair
Posted on July 3, 2008
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No, that’s not the latest tagline from the Jenny Craig clothing subsidiary, nor is that the latest line from Paris Hilton. That, my friends, describes the latest swimsuit as developed by Speedo for the United States men’s Olympic swimming team. But wait, there’s a-controversy-in’ afoot!
Yes, the phrase “technological doping” has been floated out there by people who would like to see swimsuits this good outlawed. I’m not kidding (Romania, I’m looking at you). 44 records have been broken in 4 months by people wearing these suits, though that isn’t in 44 different events. The backstroke record, for example, has been broken 3 times this week in the Olympic trials.
Now, honestly, there’s a very simple solution to this problem if other countries are going to be whiners about this, and best of all, the Greeks already beat us to it-swim naked. I’m being dead serious. With a situation like that, it’s the only kind of alternative that makes sense. If you require “technology” like a certain type of clothing to be worn to compete, then you need to allow for whatever kind of clothing people want to use within your set rules. If a really awesome swimsuit can be made within the rules, then tough. It’s allowed. You can’t just start making exceptions.
U-S-A, U-S-A!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorAn unholy marriage
Posted on July 3, 2008
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People in the Mid-West are a little strange. There’s not much to do, and quite often it is colder that survivable for most human beings. But in North Dakota, it only makes them more colorful, if not traitorous.
Though North Dakota is known for an abomination or two, this one has a tinge we don’t much like. A moose named Ana, the namesake of the town of Anamoose, North Dakota, has married another moose. What makes it worse is that the ceremony was performed by humans!
The only thing keeping us from declaring a blog jihad (or “jiblog) against that whole state is the fact that the people involved seemed to be a bit sarcastic when they married the moose (mooses?). They have been declared “miserable mates.”
Yeah, see you in hell, Ana!
Written by Bryan McBournie