Day: July 16, 2008

Take it from Snee: No more satire

If you’re a regular reader of “Take it from Snee,” then you’re probably expecting some satire. Well, not this week and never again.

You see, I’ve learned something this week: satire isn’t funny unless everyone agrees it is. In fact, the only successful satire ever written was A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift, and that’s only because people don’t read it until high school after a teacher explains the joke. (Spoiler alert: British people love to eat Irish babies.)

I could go ahead and just explain every TifS, but I’m still a lazy man even when I’m no longer satirical. Instead, I’ve chosen to denounce Rick Snee’s most inflammatory statements, which I find offensive and wholly inappropriate. Continue reading Take it from Snee: No more satire

Warrior of the Week: Avis Blakeslee

Little old ladies are often targets for mugging and aggressive home lenders, so it’s natural for an animal to assume along the same lines. As Avis Blakeslee, 77, of Pennsylvania proved, little old ladies can also be tough old broads.

Blakeslee was attacked by a rabid fox near her home and sustained seven wounds on her leg and one on her arm, but those only made her mad. The grandmother grabbed the fox threw it to the ground (we can only assume in piledriver fashion) and pinned it to the ground while flagging a nearby motorist for help.

The motorist got the attention of Blakeslee’s son, who gave the fox its swift justice. Blakeslee spent four days recovering in the hospital before being sent home, presumably by ticker tape parade.

“I had never seen a fox,” she said. “I’ve seen a dead one once.”

Make that two dead foxes, granny. Which makes a fox’s survival rate in your presense a big ol’ goose egg.

No more condoms!

According to today’s Headline of the Day, residents around the Chesapeake Bay have less to fear about crabs. The population is apparently dwindling, probably because everyone’s finally using those little combs and special shampoos.

In other news, Bryan McBournie has been spotted at more bars since this headline debuted. If you are a human being between the ages 18 and 75, be advised.

Giving while the giving’s … free

Nine women and twelve men have been arrested in Greece for participating in an unsanctioned oral sex competition (as if there’s anything close to that being listed as sanctioned) on a beach in Greece. Joe Francis has been cleared of any connection to the event, as he was too busy being in jail to schedule it. The lesson learned? The next time this happens, make sure that it takes place in Madison Square Garden, like most big name sporting events. Or, the Greek island of Lesbos, which we hear is quite nice this time of year, if a bit confused about its identity.

We do have one question though: “encouraging obscene behavior?” You can really be arrested for that in Greece? Just what are the requirements to fulfill such an act?

OK, maybe that was more than just one question.

What is the pope thinking?

Apparently, Pope Benedict XVI has left Washington, because he was spotted in Australia for a massive Roman Catholic festival called “World Youth Day.” However, it is not the fact that anyone celebrates kids that is shocking, it is the pope’s actions, which had little to do with the youth of the world.

Hold on to your butts: Pope Benedict met with a koala. Not much is known about what the pope and the beast talked about, perhaps the Holy Father is trying to enter peace talks circumventing the traditional authorities, or perhaps he was trying to broker a cease fire. Nevertheless, the pope’s actions are bordering on treason in the War on Animals. This is just the latest attempt of Big Religion to get involved in the ongoing strife.

Fun fact: The pope sends texts messages like a middle school girl, albeit a very devout one.

Pilgrims also received a second mobile phone text message from Benedict: “The Holy Spirit gave the Apostles and gives u the power boldly 2 proclaim that Christ is risen! – BXVI.”