When life gives you limes, save the world
Posted on July 21, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science! | 1 Comment |
You’re tired of 7Up, aren’t you? Not to mention, it’s getting to be late July and you’re already sick of Corona. What are you going to do with all of those limes? Perhaps it’s time you got working on reducing that carbon footprint of yours.
That’s right, the same thing Bud Light has been adding to their product to make it seem enjoyable can help you save the planet. Scientists say adding lime to ocean water may reduce carbon emissions, thereby letting Republicans the oil industry get back to making its money killing us all.
The scientists said they came up with the idea after several rounds passing around a bottle of Jose Cuervo on a recent bender.
“Dude, we should, like, totally add limes into the ocean. HAHAHAHAHA. And then, and then, no, no wait, listen you guys. SHHHHH! And then, all the acid would, like, eat away all the carbon when it rains, and–SHUT UP! And then it would make the world totally safer for everyone.”
(Via Gizmodo)
Written by Bryan McBournieCourt: Super Bowl needed tits
Posted on July 21, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
With a ruling that’s guaranteed to offend anyone who pretends they don’t like women’s breasts, a U.S. Appeals court has thrown out the FCC’s fine against CBS for the 2004 Super Bowl Halftime “Show.”
For those who don’t know what we’re talking about*, Justin Timberlake ripped part of Janet Jackson’s clothes off, revealing a very bizarre star-thingie … and a boob somewhere under that. Half the nation was appalled–demanding that the FCC babysit for them–while the other half thought they were clever to joke about the Levitra commercials.
Well, it’s all settled now: the possibly-modified breast did, in fact, make a Super Bowl Halftime Show remotely watchable for the only time in the game’s history.
And now, readers, as you were.
*SeriouslyGuys would like to wish a very happy birthday to devoted reader Hunter Cramdale, who just turned four-years-old! Hunter, your Booze News stein is in the mail and be sure to ask your parents about Janet Jackson’s honkers.
Written by Rick SneeTake that, Morgan Freeman
Posted on July 21, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
Yes, we’ve all been suckered in by the cute penguin movies over the past couple of years. March of the Penguins and Happy Feet have lulled us into a false sense of security over these black and white living bowling pins. However, if you’ll read this article carefully, you’ll notice that majority of the penguins are being washed up in petroleum.
That’s right, these fish-gobbling cash cows are attempting to steal our oil. So the next time you’re spending $60 to fill up your car, think back to the $20 you spent on the relaxing voice over of Morgan Freeman that is financing these criminals.
Written by Bryan SchoolsNo sex in the champagne room, nor anywhere else in the building
Posted on July 21, 2008
Filed Under Sex Sells, Stripper News | Leave a Comment |
We live in what some might call a “hallowed age”. Technology is all around us. It’s in your camera. It’s in your phone. It’s in your portable music player. The Orwellian concept of “Big Brother is watching” isn’t so much untrue, as it’s more flipped around-we’re showing ourselves to everyone. With the dubbing of “WEB 2.0″, we’re everywhere that can see us. We’re showing our world to the world and having a blast doing so. Maybe that’s why apparent ignorance is so amusing.
A Manhattan strip club owner is “shocked”—shocked—to learn that his VIP rooms might have been used for more than just lap dances and claims (from the jail cell where he is being held on prostitution charges) that he runs one of the “cleanest” clubs in town. Oh sure, he trusts his strippers so much that he would never put cameras or anything such as that into his club, right? I mean, we can trust a lawyer that owns a strip club called “The Hot Lap Dance Club”, right?
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe McBournie Minute: Dressing up for movies is redundant
Posted on July 21, 2008
Filed Under McBournie Minute | Leave a Comment |
As we saw over the weekend, the youth of America are not only enthusiastic about movies they have been anticipating for months and months, but they are incredibly huge dorks. It’s a rare occurrence, but every now and then, there is a movie sequel that comes out that fans are so enthused about, they are determined to go see the movie opening night–dressed up as their favorite characters.
Folks, this isn’t Halloween. We know you really, really like Batman, but you look like a fool. What is worse is that now I can’t see over your stupid cowl or your oompa-loompa green wig. But let’s not pick on just The Dark Knight crowd. Any movie that has some sort of a cult following will inevitably have those cult members go out in public and declare their cult membership by dressing up as Gandalf the wizard. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournie