Day: September 11, 2008

How To: Recover from a sports injury

The Guys would like to dedicate this How To to our good friend Tom Brady, who was injured not yet a week ago. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Tom. You’re a god amongst men. If you follow our advice, we will see you on the road to the Super Bowl next season.

Injuries are pretty common in your sport. Take Jimmy, your good buddy. He messed his shoulder up on that dive the other day. Who knew you even needed to dive in golf, anyway? Regardless of what sport you play, something is going to go horribly, horribly wrong. When that happens, it’s up to you to make sure you don’t end up horribly disfigured (or at least more than you are already). That’s why we are here to tell you how to recover from a sports injury. Continue reading How To: Recover from a sports injury

Death of a Sales Pimp

Taiwan sheds many, many tears today as the country sees the closure of its last legal brothel. Of course, it could be said that The Guys suppose that  87-year old pimp probably earned his retirement–even if he’s spending it in the grave. Meanwhile, if anyone has openings for its other two employees, we’d sure they like to know. It’s hard for middle-aged sex workers to find decent work these days. Heck, in this economy, it’s hard for anyone to get a job.

Over 23,000 served

You think you’re loving it? Don Gorske of Wisconsin has eaten over 23,000 Big Macs since the burger’s inception way back in the olden days of 1972. Gorske, an unfathomable 185 pounds has claimed to eating two Big Macs and two parfaits per day. Ah yes, nothing quite symbolizes Americanism like scarfing down processed meat covered in thousand island dressing, then washing it all down with a silly French word.

Time to remember and strengthen resolve

What is already a day of solemn reflection is now being greeted with some dark, dark news: a species of frog thought to have been extinct for 17 years has been found alive. And no, we can’t crucify it.

While this grim announcement can likely inspire feelings of defeat or depression, look not in that way. We are humans, we will persevere. We are the greatest species in the world, and nothing will ever change that. What we need to do now is use this news as motivation. We must choose to renew our will to win. It is time to sound again the call to battle.

Let us take a moment to remember all those who fought this year.

We can and will win this war.