Eat My Sports: Another fantasy
Posted on September 23, 2008
Filed Under Eat My Sports | Leave a Comment |
Happy birthday (sort of) to me! We are officially one year into the EMS regime here at SG. I would like to personally thank everyone for listening to my objective (ranting) views that take a step back and look into the sporting world (mainly baseball, football and basketball) as a whole and gives an unbiased (Red Sox, Steelers and Knicks rule, forget everyone else) opinion. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsTake that, redtooth!
Posted on September 23, 2008
Filed Under Booze News | Leave a Comment |
According to a story in the New York Times, grape juice has many of the same health benefits as wine (story after the ad). Now you maybe be asking yourself, “Hey! They said drinking wine was good for you, so why are they celebrating the fact that one can get similar health benefits from grape juice?”
Simple, dear reader: Wine sucks.
Sure, the ladies like it, and it is sometimes also Jesus’ blood, but if you think about it, wine is one of the lamest forms of alcohol out there. It colors your teeth, it makes you tired before it makes you drunk, and you are almost certain to have a headache in the morning, regardless of how little you drink. Worst of all, wine has an element of elitism not found anywhere else in all of Boozedom.
Some may see this as a blow to the argument that drinking can be good for you. Not the health buffs here at SG. We believe that this is some of the best news possible. Now you can cast aside your corkscrew and get the health benefits you really want from grape juice, which conveniently mixes well with vodka. This means that not only can you start feeling better, but you can also get crocked for less and with something you actually enjoy drinking.
The Guys suggest our own creation:
Health Tonic
- Two parts vodka
- One part grape juice
- One part Sprite
- Served on the rocks in as large a glass as possible, garnish of choice is optional. Remember, eating fruit is healthy.
(Via Lifehacker)
Written by Bryan McBournieTip often, tip extra, tip heavily
Posted on September 23, 2008
Filed Under Booze News, Sex Sells | Leave a Comment |
Hey, if bartending in the nude is wrong, then we don’t want to be right. Or drunk.
OK, so, we probably lied about that last point.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorNothing says constructive criticism like a complaint
Posted on September 23, 2008
Filed Under Stripper News | Leave a Comment |
Construction workers are an odd bunch. Seemingly enough, their region may possibly dictate their behavior. In the past, we’ve reported about those unscrupulous rapscallions, the construction workers of New Zealand, and their odd courtship rituals involving hooting. Approximately a gazillion miles away, we have another example: the gallant and thoughtful construction workers of Portland, Oregon.
Bugwah?!
Yes, true believer, you read right. The Guys never thought that we’d live to see the day that a group of construction workers would actively oppose the sight of exposed female flesh, but hey, I suppose there’s a first time for everything.
Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, there’s a construction site happening right across the road from where I work. And, I take my breaks down in the cafeteria at 8:30 am and 11:30 am, right beside the 10 foot high windows. You know, just in case any nude roller-bladers might be interested in enjoying the outdoors and whatnot.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorChild care expendible in England
Posted on September 23, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
The downfall of the U.S. economy is not only being felt here at home, it is being felt abroad as well. Yes, it is a sign of the times when wealthy British people are tightening their belts and letting go of their nannies.
This truly is sad news. How will our their nation’s wealthy care for their children when they are too busy working to continue their ridiculously wealthy lifestyle? Are they going to be forced to quit their jobs and raise their own children? Or even worse, send their children to day care with middle class children?
Let us remind you why this is bad for Americans. If British nannies cannot find work in their own country, they will come to the U.S., legally or not, and start raising our nation’s wealthy children to speak with accents, enjoy games like rugby and polo, and enjoy Earl Grey tea. Worst of all, they’ll be bringing with them their limey families and having anchor babies here so they won’t get deported. They won’t even speak our language! And slowly, they will sap our welfare system dry.
Watch the skies. There could be flying umbrellas westbound over the Atlantic already.
Written by Bryan McBournieWar is hail(acious noise)
Posted on September 23, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
We’ve been fighting a war against animals for about two years now. In that time, we’ve lost some friends, gained some new ones and wondered where our bees went.
Well, a whole new front has opened up in Vermont: the war on nature in general. Harold Albinder of Southern Vermont Orchards (probably in New Hampshire or somewhere Englandy) purchased a cannon that fires at the sky.
Well, more specifically, at clouds that might carry hail.
His hail cannon fires in six-second bursts at freezing heaven’s ice bombs like an old fashioned flak gun. The deadening thud thud thud sends a calming shockwave through the nearby town, assuring the sleepy folk that clouds have had their way with us for far too long.
Albinder might be on to something: if we drive off the environment, then all those animals we’re not allowed to eat will go with it. (Screw you, bald eagles!)
Written by Rick Snee