Day: October 8, 2008

Take it from Snee: Toys suck anyway

Alright, so I’m getting married this weekend. This means two things:

  1. There will be no writing from me next week because I’ll be in Bermuda.
  2. I’m going to write some crap about growing up, becoming a man, etc.

Interestingly enough, point number two seems to be a popular theme this week, as my old friend Charles Smith (an alias to be sure) has his own opinions about it in Whim this week.

Yep, it was about when I worried about having hemorrhoids on my honeymoon that I realized I’m acting more and more like a grown-up. So it’s time to put away childish things, or toys, and embrace the things of men.

Video games stay, though, because they’re not toys. They’re training files should the government ever require my services as a fighter pilot/secret agent/Italian stereotype that squashes pizza ingredients.

The Star Wars figures are just that: figures, as in they will one day be worth several figures and finance my retirement or crippling gambling addiction. They stay.

Everything else, though, is gone. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Toys suck anyway

Invade Brazil now

If you’re a human, it’s assumed you’re on our side. Unfortunately, there are plenty of species traitors among us around the world, waiting like sleeper cells to spring into action, helping or animal foes prioritized by cuteness.

A group of these self-loathing people saved nearly 400 penguins that were lost and therefor deserved to die. Instead, they were loaded onto a Brazilian military plane and transported not to a death camp, but to the country’s coast and set free. Rumors have it these flightless birds were in rehab for either battle scars or heroin addiction.

The direct involvement of the Brazilian military working in concert with known terrorists is grounds for invasion, folks. We need to hit them and we need to hit them before they know what hits them. After we do that, we can hit the heart of our enemy in its secluded lair: the rainforest.

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just trying to get a bottle of Jack?

Sure, we’ve all been there. The young, adventerous age of 18, old enough to smoke your lungs out, buy a scratcher from the lottery, but not old enough to buy a daily visit from Uncle Jack. Well, when in doubt, improvise! Like this Texas teen, who stole his friend’s police badge and tried to use it as identification for drinks at a club.

Apparently when asked how old he was, the line “old enough to party” only works in Judd Apatow films.

Solution solved. Now for the homework!

Problems in Richmond aren’t just found in Virginia–sometimes they’re found in other Richmonds. A Richmond County school in Georgia has finally figured out a solution to the problem of teachers having sex with students—they’ve started having sex with each other. Which they can, since they are consenting adults, after all.

On school grounds.

While class is in session.

Oh. Well. Hmmmm ….

See, problem solved! Or, you know, maybe not. And people, like me, say that math is hard.

Take this job and mumble about it

Your boss is stupid and he (or she) is more than likely also a jerk, in your opinion. How do we know this? According to a new Internet study, only 43 percent think their boss is open to new ideas. In between clicks on their Facebook profiles, the survey takers also said only 47 percent of them want to hang around after regular work hours to impress their boss.

Really? People don’t think their bosses are doing a good job? Where was this groundbreaking survey published? The Christian Obvious Monitor? Perhaps based on this, Boss’s Day (brought to you by Hallmark) should have “I could do your job better” cards.

The important thing is, those approval ratings are still higher than our president’s. ZING!