Day: October 16, 2008

How To: Deal with a bully

Listen up, chump. You’re going to read this, or else.

If you are a person, it is almost certain that you will face a bully at some point in your life. Bullies exist in social circles and professional settings, and they always function on perceived power and a mob in fear. Sometimes they want your lunch money, sometimes all they want to do is assign you more work that you really can’t handle, but can’t say no to, either (they call these “bosses”).

Because of this, The Guys bring you how to deal with a bully. Continue reading How To: Deal with a bully

Wabbit season has been extended

Animals. It seems as if not one day goes by where we’re not having to deal with our age old enemies in this eons long war. What lengths will they not go to? Legal battles? Zombies? Suicide attacks? Well, now they’re attempting yet a new focus in the war: they’re combining one war with another. Yes, they’ve now engaged in the war on education. How so?

Recently, a museum (you know, the things that are very good at educating the masses covertly) had to be closed after it was invaded. By rabbits. As in, the furry little things that go hop-hop-hop-copulate-hop-hop-hop-copulate-copulate-copulate-hop. In fact, the invasion was so bad that they museum will have to be closed from now until November 16. That’s a long time to put a stop to education, people!

“The current population is so large that it threatens to permanently damage the island’s sensitive vegetation, and poses a serious threat to other fauna species,”

No sense of respect. No sense of decency. They probably fornicated in the lobby. Have you no shame, animals?

If sex is wrong, we don’t want to be right

In our weekly run of warning/celebrating the newlyweds of Julie and Rick Brennan, we give the following advice: apparently in some places it is not OK to get drunk and [rhymes with “you”]. A couple in Dubai has been found guilty of having sex outside of marriage, while on a beach, after an all-you-can-drink champagne brunch. It seems in Dubai that making babies while intoxicated is against the law. And we thought the Bond films led us to believe that this stuff was alright ….

This may not be a good sign for the newlyweds

Weddings are great. You get all dressed up and you can even say you went to church that week. However, everyone’s really looking forward to the wedding reception, where there is expected to be a nice spread of food, and more importantly, an open bar.

But sometimes wedding receptions can go wrong. If you are attending a wedding in China any time soon, we strongly suggest you fast the whole time.

This week, around 170 wedding guests had to be rushed to the hospital, when some cooks mistakenly added rust remover to the broth. The rust remover was mistaken for salt, but is not, apparently, as edible as salt. But it was not the only wedding disaster in the country.

In a bizarre coincidence, 61 wedding guests were taken to hospital with similar symptoms a day earlier after a duck-and-donkey-meat banquet in northwest China.

Duck-and-donkey-meat? Our mouths are watering right now.