MasterChugs Theater: ‘Monster House’

Posted on October 17, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | 1 Comment |

Monster House is arguably the scariest movie that has ever been targeted to children. There are multiple children who will probably say to their parents, “Mommy/Daddy, I’m scared.” Luckily, the movie is also funny, sweet, and more than a little sad. The boys act like boys, the girls act like girls, and the adult figures, of course, treat the kids as if they were insane, like an animated Lemony Snicket story. And who else would be in the executive producer’s chair but Steven Spielberg, who has terrorized more children than the devil, the boogie man and Barbra Streisand combined.

It’s only a few minutes after the departure of DJ’s parents that he kills his neighbor, old man Nebbercracker (voiced by Steve Buscemi). Nebbercracker has been terrorizing the neighborhood’s kids for generations, and he has a heart attack while engaging in a tirade against DJ (voiced by Mitchel Musso) for stepping on his lawn. Nebbercracker’s death is only the beginning of DJ’s bad day. It’s Halloween, and apparently Nebbercracker’s rickety old house isn’t pleased at DJ’s part in its owner’s death. Nebbercracker’s house is alive and angry. With his parents out of town, DJ and his friends, Chowder and Jenny, can only watch in horror as the house starts devouring neighborhood toys, pets, and eventually police officers that trod on its lawn.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

You Missed It: Bleary-eyed and sore edition

Posted on October 17, 2008
Filed Under You Missed It | Leave a Comment |

And so the sun begins to set on yet another joy-filled week here at SeriouslyGuys. We don’t know about you, but this week has seemed to be a long one, perhaps that is because we were too busy staying up late drinking for one reason or another. In that spirit, let’s examine what made us stay up late this week. If you were busy uncovering a city of the dead, odds are you missed it.

OK, where the hell did that come from?
Despite wishes of most non-committed MLB fans, TBS, and the weeks-old legion of Tampa Bay Rays fans, the upstarts, or “these young Rays” as the announcers keep calling them for some reason, did not manage to win the American League pennant this week. After winning three games in a row, with the ALCS at 3-1 in favor of Tampa and its Bay saw its seven run lead evaporate in just seven outs (which began in the 7th inning). The Boston Red Sox pulled off the biggest single-game postseason comeback (played in a ballpark in the western hemisphere with winds out of the southwest) since the 1920s, winning 8-7. See you in Game 6 (with more booze).

‘Congratulations, Joe, you’re rich’
You may have thought that Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama were campaigning for your vote. You are wrong. They are actually going for Joe the Plumber’s vote. Joe the Plumber is a nickname the two candidates used in this week’s presidential debate for an average guy, a plumber, making $280,000 a year, who wants to buy his business. You know, a guy just like the rest of us. Joe Sixpack, John Q. Public and Joe Cool were visibly distraught to see they had been cast aside by both candidates.

Oh yeah, there was that other game, too
The Philadelphia Phillies clinched the National League pennant this week, defeating the Los Angeles Dodges (who are not, mind you, of Anaheim). This cause for celebration for Phils fans, because they haven’t been there in like 15 years, which is almost the same as the Cubs’ 100 years. Woooooo! The curse is broken!!!!!!!11 However, Dodgers fans are not as happy, because they have to go back to living in L.A. and acting like that’s a good thing. Manny Ramirez was last seen wandering off, muttering something about potato farming in Idaho.

Written by Bryan McBournie

Sarah Palin!

Posted on October 17, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08, Sex Sells | 1 Comment |

Sarah Palin?

Sarah?

Palin?

….

…….

Sarah Palin?!

Sarah Palin! SARAH! PALIN! SARAH PALIN!

If one scantily clad Sarah Palin lookalike isn’t enough for you, here’s your chance to meet many, many more: Las Vegas’s Club Paradise is holding an “official” Sarah Palin look alike pageant next week. And by “official” we mean not official or endorsed by Sarah Palin in any way.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Disco might be dead, but you won’t be

Posted on October 17, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science! | Leave a Comment |

The good doctor is out for the week, so we can’t give you professional medical advice. Luckily, we don’t need a doctor to tell us this is a crock: a recent study found that the Bee Gees’ hit “Stayin’ Alive” has an ideal beat for giving CPR.

Make whatever jokes you want about the song title actually meaning something deeper than not getting capped while walking through New York City dressed like polyester fire sale. We’ll wait.

Done? OK. Yes, the 1977 hit, which may or may not have been a contributing factor to my parents dating, might be able to save lives. You know what we say? That’s crap. The only thing that song is good for is one of the best scenes in Airplane! Encouraging first responders to think of this song when they give CPR is dangerous. Do you really want your ambulance driver humming the tune when he or she is taking you to the hospital?

Worse yet, what happens if a disco ball drops down from somewhere? Does everyone have to start dancing?

Written by Bryan McBournie