MasterChugs Theater: ‘Shaolin Soccer’
Posted on November 14, 2008
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While movie stars such as Chow Yun-fat, Michelle Yeoh, Zhang Ziyi, Jet Li and Jackie Chan have become household names in North America, one of the biggest names in Hong Kong cinema is, for the most part, still relatively unknown. Funnyman Stephen Chow has built his career on absurdist humor and Jim Carrey-style shenanigans in films such as The King of Comedy, From Beijing with Love, and The God of Cookery (which was slated to be remade into a Jim Carrey vehicle before falling into development hell). Unfortunately, because of his penchant for Cantonese wordplay and in-references to Chinese culture, it has been difficult for his films to find audiences outside of his native Hong Kong and China. Last week, we explored his most recent foray into American cinema, Kung Fu Hustle. This week, we take a look at his debut trek into foreign waters, Shaolin Soccer-the good version, that is. Read more
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorYou Missed It: Who would Jesus endorse? edition
Posted on November 14, 2008
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We meet again, dear reader. Did you make it through the work week? Well, technically you haven’t yet. There are still several more hours left before you are free. You must continue to sit in your chair at your desk and watch as the seconds slowly … tick… by.
But wait! Here’s an idea: what if we provided some sort of reading material for you in hopes of getting you through this rough patch. Until then, this will have to do. If you were busy baptizing the dead Jews, odds are you missed it.
My name is Jesus Christ, and I approve this message
In Greenville, North Carolina, a Catholic priest is calling a vote for Obama a mortal sin. Rev. Jay Scott Newman is denying communion to any parishioners who voted for Obama in the recent election because he is a pro-choice candidate. Before he could answer questions about Joe Biden becoming the first Catholic vice president, the priest shooed everyone away because it was time for him to show the altar boys how to take a poll.
It’s only called a bailout if the ship is sinking
President George Bush and President-elect Barack Obama met this week to discuss things like the transition, the war on terrorism, the economy and the art of posing for a photo-op. Obama also pushed for a bailout of the U.S. auto industry, because GM is teetering and Ford and Chrysler are bleeding money like the slowest in the herd when the lions are on the hunt. They did not seem to agree on this issue. So it is our sage advice that you invest in imported car companies.
To the Williams-mobile, Robin!
Former Washington, D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams has only been out of office for less than a year. However, he has not given up serving the city. This week Williams, 57, was walking to his office when he saw someone grab a package containing computer parts from a UPS truck. The delivery man yelled at him. Wasting no time, Williams sprinted after the man shouting at him. When the thief saw it was the former mayor, he handed over the box and ran off. Yes, that is a true story.
(Image by Michael Ian Weinfield via ANIMAL)
Written by Bryan McBournieAdministration still hopes to kill bin Laden
Posted on November 14, 2008
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It’s a countdown to January 20th for Osama bin Laden, the bearded mastermind behind such tapes as:
- “Die, you yankee infidel scum!”
- “You are all fat and I hope you die, Americans!”
- “Hey, is anyone still hunting for me? Well … you’ll never catch me because I’m like the wind, baby!”
- “America, you suck.”
He is apparently still alive and living in seclusion from his posse, al Qaeda. After eight solid years of carpetbombing by U.S. armed forces, they finally voted him out of the terrorist organization.
The CIA believes he’s out there, somewhere in the vincinity of the Pakistan-Afghanistan border, still carrying his extinguished tiki torch and waiting for that lucrative sitcom or book deal.
Some intelligence experts believe that the CIA is in a race against time, trying to kill bin Laden before President Bush leaves office. Unfortunately, those experts also forget that CIA operatives are salaried government employees who can’t get fired even if you really want them to.
Written by Rick SneeEyeing that bailout, eh?
Posted on November 14, 2008
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Change is coming. New president, new drapes for the Oval Office, new tone for the presidency, and now, a new presidential limo is on its way!
Except, it’s not really a limo so much as a truck. Sort of.
GM is currently working on the new vehicle for the new Prez-elect. “Cadillac One” will be based off of the GMC Topkick, which you may remember as Ironhide from Transformers. Will this create an ethical problem that may allow GM to get a federal bailout a la AIG? Possibly, but who cares about that issue. More importantly, will this cause the Democratic party to land the all too critical sentient alien robots vote in 2012? Inquiring minds want to know.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorRudolph the godless reindeer…
Posted on November 14, 2008
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There are many things to do during the holiday season, like spending time with friends and family, exchanging gifts, working extra hard to provide a wonderful Christmas, drinking yourself stupid off of “the nog” in order to forget all of the stress the ensuing weeks will provide. Or, you can join a group of atheists in D.C., and launch a $40,000 ad campaign on public transportation that pretty much challenges God and the belief in secular holidays.
But hey, what you do in your free time is up to you.
Written by Bryan SchoolsWe’re going to Cancun for senior week!
Posted on November 14, 2008
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Sure, Mexico City is the biggest city in the Western Hemisphere, it’s dirty, the air’s bad, the water isn’t safe to drink, the power goes out now and then for no reason and it’s overpopulated, but damn if the senior citizens aren’t happy!
As reported by our sister site, HombresSeriamentes.com, Mexico City is giving out free Viagra, Levitra and Cialis to its senior (or is it “señor?”) citizens. The theory behind this is that sex is important to one’s wellbeing. Just ask our very own Rick Snee, who is now as healthy as a horse. (Note: Eight Belles was healthy as a horse at Belmont before she ended up breaking her ankles and getting euthanized on the track.)
Not only will this mean old people could need less medical treatment (aside from a broken hip), but it means the men will probably not need canes anymore.
Written by Bryan McBournie