Through his writing for SeriouslyGuys, Rick Snee has alternately been accused of being: a liberal, a conservative, three different spellings of “moron,” some old grump, a millennial know-nothing and — on one occasion — a grave insult to a minor deity in some obscure pantheon (you probably haven’t heard of it). Really, he’s just one of The Guys, y’know?
Every summer is the Summer of Something. 1998 was the Summer of Asteroid Movies. The year before that was the Summer of George. Last summer was the Summer of Thinking 2016 is as Bad as It Will Ever Get … which means we had to find a new theme for this year instead of reheating last summer’s leftovers. So, we’re now at least waist-deep into the Summer of Mystery Amputations.
Remember those Memory Foam mattress ads (maybe they’re still on late night television) and how they’d claim they were developed for and approved by “the space agency,” complete with a weird almost, but not quite NASA-y logo? That was because, even though Memory Foam was developed for a NASA mission, you can’t use the NASA name or logo to sell things.
Well, as Gwyneth Paltrow and Body Vibe learned recently, that’s also the case for bullsh*t that NASA did not approve.
NASA issued a statement Friday that they don’t use carbon fiber materials in space suits to monitor — much less heal — astronauts’ vital signs. This was to counter claims made by Body Vibe on Ms. Paltrow’s bloglifestyle site, Goop, that their $5 to $6 body stickers can restore “our internal balance” to an “an ideal energetic frequency.” Well, we don’t have to tell you that this “calming effect” is essential for maintaining energy reserves, strengthening immune systems and alleviating “physical tension and anxiety” — that’s just Science. (And we f*ckin’ love Science.)
So, for now Goop is NASA-free until they verify Body Vibe’s claim. Which should happen any day now, we’re sure …
So, this is pretty cool. Archaeologists found a 3,000-year-old fancy prosthetic big toe in the Sheikh ´Abd el-Qurna tomb in Egypt back in 1997. After studying it, they found that it is remarkably advanced, being able to hold up body weight, flex and help the person it was fitted to walk relatively normally.
It also let the ancient one-percenter daughter of a priest continue wearing flip-flops, demonstrating the world’s oldest recorded case of #firstworldproblems. (Technically, this would be a #newkingdomproblem, amiright?)
So, good news if you need to fake your own ransom for money, time-travelling Bunny Lebowski.
The Internet is awash in “thinkpieces” — posts (sometimes columns, but often blogs that don’t want to be called blogs) that dig deep into some pressing issue that’s on everyone’s mind. Like who’s responsible for the water in Flint. Or how privilege keeps us in the dark when it comes to how life is for people of other backgrounds.
But, most of these are about movies and television, and yet written with the same level of thought and seriousness as what the 2016 election really means for Coal Country.
Regardless of topic, they all follow the model of TED Talks — the famous series of presentations by people passionately speaking on everyday topics to change the way we think about them. Which is great if we’re thinking the wrong way about climate change, but ridiculous if we’re thinking the wrong way about critics’ relationship with the DC Cinematic Universe.
So, in that spirit, I present my very first NED Talk — in which I elucidate on a topic of great importance only in my head and some studio executive counting Yuan in Hollywood.
The Washington Redskins have long been a team of contradictions and frustrations — always trying to have it both ways.
They talk every year about how this is the draft where they take building a defense seriously, and then throw away millions and risk the franchise tag on the latest and (once) greatest wide receivers. They’ve thrown their weight behind 20 different quarterbacks and eight head coaches in 20 years, and it’s only a matter of time before they turn on their latest ones.
And now that the Asian-American punk band, The Slants, won their U.S. Supreme Court case to trademark a racial slur, owner Dan Snyder is “thrilled” that his team’s name — which was previously not a slur, but “an honor” — is now likely a legally protected slur.
While The Guys fully agree that the government should stay out of deciding which speech is offensive and isn’t (well, until the next debate over National Endowment for the Arts funding), it’s probably not great if your name is only kosher because of free speech. Welcome to the same legal defense as the Klan, the Westboro Baptists and every dude with a strong opinion about feminism online.
But, hey, we’re proof positive that you can’t legislate common decency.
Mr. Rogers once famously asked in song, “What do you do with the mad that you feel?” It’s hard for children and even adults to sometimes learn how to manage our intense feelings when simultaneously angry and yet powerless to change our situation.
Some people, as Fred suggested, might channel that energy into something positive — playing tag with their friends. Or organizing a food drive. Maybe even counting to 10, playing with your trolley and moving on.
Others bring a cup of more than 100 bedbugs to their source of frustration, slamming it on a counter top so that they spread all over their office building.
There are just so many options to what to do with that mad you feel. What do you do, neighbor?
Let’s assume, for laughs, that there’s such a thing as “paid protesters.” That the only way for more people to protest a president than to attend his inauguration is if all those people were paid. That somebody who (a) had enough money (b) found value in giving it to a bunch of strangers to hold up signs and protest for women. Or for the environment. Or for science. Or to release tax records.
What’s the difference between such critters and a lobbyist?
Authorities are on the hunt for Bikram Choudhury, the founder and namesake of Bikram or Hot Yoga. You may have heard of this from someone casually dropping into an unrelated conversation that they do yoga. Well, that fitness name drop is ruined forever, because Choudhury is now basically the Bill Cosby of stretching.
A judge in Los Angeles has issued an arrest warrant for Choudhury, who may have fled a $7 million dollar sexual harassment and wrongful termination suit by his former attorney by leaving the country. The lawyer, Minakshi “Miki” Jafa-Bodden, claims that Choudhury fired her after refusing to cover up allegations that Bikram raped and sexually assaulted a yoga student.
Police are now unleashing the dragnet, believing Choudhury fled to Mexico after hiding his assets. But, that was their first mistake: by turning up the heat, they’ve made it easier for Bikram to slip through any traps.
Now, before we all dust off our bomber jackets, let’s pause a moment. It’s been 31 years since 1986’s Top Gun. Sources claim Cruise and Val Kilmer will be in it. But, unless they’re admirals, they won’t be in uniform. (Well … shouldn’t be.)
So, if you’re still excited about Top Gun 2: Adventures in Contracting, where Maverick and Ice Man are from rival contractors vying for work in Naval Aviation Program Management Offices that buy new dongles for F-18s and Joint Strike Fighters, then you might be a very faithful Scientologist.
Not to be a buzz kill, but a new report from the World Cancer Research Fund and the American Institute for Cancer Research reinforces a connection between daily drinking and breast cancer. And not in the good way like daily drinking and heart health. More like daily drinking and liver health.
According to research, sipping an impossibly small amount of alcohol a day — like, who only drinks a small glass of wine or only 8 ounces (half a pint) of beer? — corresponded with “a 5% increased breast cancer risk in premenopausal women and 9% increase in postmenopausal women.”
So, for those keeping score at home, the score between drinking and not drinking remains dead even. If that doesn’t call for a drink, we don’t know what does.