Stripper cop causes panic in Germany

Hot Cops.
Hot Cops.

It’s an old trope in movies and TV shows that a cop shows up to a bachelorette party and is mistaken for a stripper. But what happens when it’s the other way around?

In Frankfurt, Germany, was in a state of panic on Saturday night when reports came in from the red light district of a man with an assault weapon and a bulletproof vest with “FBI” across the chest. Police eventually tracked down the suspect–to a strip club. The man explained the fake gun and bulletproof vest were part of his act.

Because of the Thing Blue Line and all that, the stripper was allowed to perform that evening.

Tit-picketing, tit-picketing, tit-pick-er-roo!

We assume that the New Beginnings Ministry's attendance is boosted for the same reason we watch the Super Bowl Halftime Show: there are now actual odds of seeing titties at both.
We assume that the New Beginnings Ministries’ attendance is boosted by the same reason we watch the Super Bowl Halftime Show: there are actual odds of seeing titties at both.

If it seems to you that breasts and church would go hand-in-hand — both support nurturing babies, receive paper money and get inordinate attention when they wander too far into the public eye — you would be remiss in the city and county of Coshocton, Ohio: home of an ongoing feud between New Beginning Ministries and the Foxhole North strip club.

NBM has regularly picketed Foxhole North on Fridays. In response, the owner and dancers have occasionally attended Sunday services at NBM topless. Seems like a win-win, right?

Wrong. NBM is now using a federal law that establishes buffer zones between abortion clinics and protesters in a lawsuit that would bar the Foxhole North owner and employees from coming to their church topless. Yes, a church that frowns on abortion (and strippers, obvs) is using a law that protects abortion providers and patients, from what this very church does every week to a strip club, in order to prevent anyone else from doing the same to them.

So, are they for or against picketing? (Our guess: for when doing it, against when done to them.) And, without the very real threat of boobs in their church, now how will they compete with the NFL for attendance?

Robots are learning how to love

The inevitable robot uprising isn’t all scary, even though it will have spider bots. It could even be sexy.

At a party in London celebrating the launch of Dutch online hosting company TransIP in the U.K., there were pole dancing robots on hand. As we’ve learned this week, hiring strippers is a great way to get people to show up for your party. The robots motions were limited, and they didn’t look very lifelike, but still they shook it for all to see, and no one tipped.

Perhaps it was their CCTV cameras for heads that kept the guys away.

China has a problem with strippers at funerals

In China, they know how to send a guy off and console the family, but the Chinese government wants to crack down on it all.

The Chinese Ministry of Culture is cracking down on strippers at funerals. According to reports there has been a rash of adult dancers performing at ceremonies celebrating the lives of the recently departed. It’s been making its way to the internet, which has prompted the government decree. The locals say the strippers are a way of attracting a larger crowd to give the deceased god fortune in the afterlife.

It’s never to soon to update those burial wishes, people.

Saskatchewan bans non-charity stripping

Take a moment today, and every day, to be thankful for how lucky you are to live in a free country and not under an oppressive regime like Canada.

The Canadian province of Saskatchewan has banned strip clubs, under trumped up concerns of human trafficking. That means there is officially nothing to do in Saskatchewan. The licenses of all strip clubs there have been revoked — except if the stripping is being done for charity.

When strip clubs are made illegal, only criminals will have strip clubs.

Colo. strip club shows its Christmas spirit, among other things

To encourage Christmas spirit, the city of Federal Heights, Colorado held a contest to see which local business could put up the best light design. The Guys would like to congratulate this year’s winner: Platinum 84, a strip club!

The strip club has a light show fancy enough for the whole family, complete with an inflatable Santa on the roof, likely because he Mrs. Claus isn’t doing it for him anymore. Platinum 84 donated the $100 it won to local police charity, and donated another $500, likely in singles, to a city food bank.

Invite a stripper into your home and you’ll never get her out

Folks, never let a stripper into your home. No matter how cute they are, no matter how much they beg, ignore them. They’re not domesticated. That’s exactly what one family in Los Angeles is finding out the hard way.

Two years ago, the family rented out a room in their house to a 26-year-old woman named Sara Rogers. She said she was a student working at a local strip club, and that didn’t set off any alarm bells for some reason. After the first year, the homeowners say Sara had friends move in and got cats, but the worst part was “the screaming, the spanking, the moaning.” There was also no rent paid for six months. She refused to move out.

Rogers served the family with a cease and desist order for harassment and stalking, and she even changed the locks on her room. The family agreed to pay Rogers $4,000 to get her out of the house.

So that went well.

Grandma got offended by a stripper

According to Ms. Youngblood's attorney, the stripper wore white briefs, so it's possible that her trauma comes from witnessing a budget lapdance.
The stripper cost $250 and wore white briefs, so it’s possible that her trauma comes from witnessing a budget lapdance.

As the Baby Boomers age out of Nielsen demographics (it’s what they use to measure television ratings, ask your parents), they’re taking their talents to rest homes retirement communities. And among those talents? Hiring strippers to entertain themselves.

Unfortunately, the 16-member (nailed it!) resident committee at the East Neck Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in New York forgot that some of their fellow residents are less Cloris Leachman and more Dame Maggie Smith. And now 85-year-old resident Bernice Youngblood’s son is suing the facility for exposing her unwillingly to the “disgraceful sexual perversion” of a man gyrating in front of her.

The article doesn’t give an estimated monetary value to Ms. Youngblood’s emotional damage, so we can only hope that they sue the pants off of them.

Baring your soul — and body — to Christ

In Central Virginia lies the town of Southampton. In Southampton lies the White Tail Chapel. In the White Tail Chapel lies a bunch of nude people on Sundays.


Pastor Allen Parker has completely gone in on the idea of preaching in the buff and some of his congregation has joined him. It’s not about getting sexy while in the presence of the Lord, though, as Parker and members of the church believes it’s about finding the peace within themselves and their own self-acceptance.

Also, nudists are rarely the people that you want to see in the nude.

Also, that’s a lot of stinky bare butts touching the pews.

White people sure do some crazy s#@^.

Apparently cops are sexy in England

It seems like a cliché at this point, because it’s in movies all the time: a cop shows up at the door during a party and the person who answers mistakes the police officer for a stripper. Turns out, it happens in real life.

In England, a 27-year-old man and his friends had been drinking and getting rowdy in a pub when the police came in to investigate. (Because it’s England, and you have no rights.) The man took a female cop for a stripper and began dancing in front of her (because in England, you dance for the strippers) and slapping her with a bar towel.

The man was of course arrested, but refused to believe that she wasn’t a stripper until they arrived at the police station.