In China, they know how to send a guy off and console the family, but the Chinese government wants to crack down on it all.
The Chinese Ministry of Culture is cracking down on strippers at funerals. According to reports there has been a rash of adult dancers performing at ceremonies celebrating the lives of the recently departed. It’s been making its way to the internet, which has prompted the government decree. The locals say the strippers are a way of attracting a larger crowd to give the deceased god fortune in the afterlife.
It’s never to soon to update those burial wishes, people.
Take a moment today, and every day, to be thankful for how lucky you are to live in a free country and not under an oppressive regime like Canada.
The Canadian province of Saskatchewan has banned strip clubs, under trumped up concerns of human trafficking. That means there is officially nothing to do in Saskatchewan. The licenses of all strip clubs there have been revoked — except if the stripping is being done for charity.
When strip clubs are made illegal, only criminals will have strip clubs.
To encourage Christmas spirit, the city of Federal Heights, Colorado held a contest to see which local business could put up the best light design. The Guys would like to congratulate this year’s winner: Platinum 84, a strip club!
The strip club has a light show fancy enough for the whole family, complete with an inflatable Santa on the roof, likely because he Mrs. Claus isn’t doing it for him anymore. Platinum 84 donated the $100 it won to local police charity, and donated another $500, likely in singles, to a city food bank.
Folks, never let a stripper into your home. No matter how cute they are, no matter how much they beg, ignore them. They’re not domesticated. That’s exactly what one family in Los Angeles is finding out the hard way.
Two years ago, the family rented out a room in their house to a 26-year-old woman named Sara Rogers. She said she was a student working at a local strip club, and that didn’t set off any alarm bells for some reason. After the first year, the homeowners say Sara had friends move in and got cats, but the worst part was “the screaming, the spanking, the moaning.” There was also no rent paid for six months. She refused to move out.
Rogers served the family with a cease and desist order for harassment and stalking, and she even changed the locks on her room. The family agreed to pay Rogers $4,000 to get her out of the house.
As the Baby Boomers age out of Nielsen demographics (it’s what they use to measure television ratings, ask your parents), they’re taking their talents to rest homesretirement communities. And among those talents? Hiring strippers to entertain themselves.
Unfortunately, the 16-member (nailed it!) resident committee at the East Neck Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in New York forgot that some of their fellow residents are less Cloris Leachman and more Dame Maggie Smith. And now 85-year-old resident Bernice Youngblood’s son is suing the facility for exposing her unwillingly to the “disgraceful sexual perversion” of a man gyrating in front of her.
The article doesn’t give an estimated monetary value to Ms. Youngblood’s emotional damage, so we can only hope that they sue the pants off of them.
Pastor Allen Parker has completely gone in on the idea of preaching in the buff and some of his congregation has joined him. It’s not about getting sexy while in the presence of the Lord, though, as Parker and members of the church believes it’s about finding the peace within themselves and their own self-acceptance.
Also, nudists are rarely the people that you want to see in the nude.
Also, that’s a lot of stinky bare butts touching the pews.
It seems like a cliché at this point, because it’s in movies all the time: a cop shows up at the door during a party and the person who answers mistakes the police officer for a stripper. Turns out, it happens in real life.
In England, a 27-year-old man and his friends had been drinking and getting rowdy in a pub when the police came in to investigate. (Because it’s England, and you have no rights.) The man took a female cop for a stripper and began dancing in front of her (because in England, you dance for the strippers) and slapping her with a bar towel.
The man was of course arrested, but refused to believe that she wasn’t a stripper until they arrived at the police station.
‘Deja Vu understands the need for government works to restore some normalcy to their lives,’ the club said in a statement.
If there are any government workers where normalcy involves the breasts of strippers being shook in their faces, please email SG. We’d love to hear your story. We’d also like to hear from the strippers as well that shake their breasts in the faces of government workers in order to bring back normalcy into their lives.