What the f$@# is “moose lasagna?”
If you didn’t know, the pork industry isn’t doing so hot right now. Granted, it’s not in horrible shape, but even with the scares that plagued the beef/horse/guinea pig/unknown beef paste industry, it’s still not doing fantastically. And so, in order to raise pork sales, the National Pork Board and the Beef Checkoff Program did what any other multi-billion dollar industry does when faced with slumping sales.
They renamed the same exact products to sell at the same price. Some examples include:
- Pork chops are now ribeye chops. Logic: How much for a rib? (Link NSFW)
- Pork butt is now Boston roast. Logic: Boston is full of a-holes.
- A beef under blade boneless steak will now become a Denver steak. Logic: At least it’s not Rocky Mountain Oysters.
Hackers who claim to be from the organization Anonymous hacked North Korea’s official Flickr and Twitter accounts to post pictures of …
Wait. North Korea (a.k.a. Best Korea to its leadership and former basketball-playing friends) has an official Flickr and Twitter account?
North Korea opened its Twitter account in 2010. It has more than 13,000 followers. The North uses the social media to praise its system and leaders and also to repeat commentaries sent out by North’s official Korean Central News Agency.
And they have more followers than us? Do they #teamfollowback and retweet? Because The Guys could use that kind of publicity …
No! We mustn’t trade our love of freedom for web page hits. SeriouslyGuys.com proudly endorses democracy and liberty. (Please share that last sentence with your friends.)
Over the past two years, Game of Thrones mania has swept the nation, potentially the world. People left and right are caught up in the drama involving House Stark, politics, intrigue and dirty, dirty sex. Now some crazy people in Oregon have decided to take the obsession with the show one step further: the dire wolf is coming.
Lois Schwarz, of the Schwarz Kennels in White City, Oregon, and founder of The Dire Wolf Project, is attempting to breed the extinct species in order to have as a pet. Well, sort of. The theory is to bring back the aesthetics and looks of the dire wolf somehow in a domesticated companion dog breed. Why? A few reasons: as mentioned earlier, the dire wolf is extinct, it’s illegal to keep the modern gray wolf as a pet and a nerd is quickly parted with a lot of money (these beasts won’t come cheap).
People, perhaps you haven’t paid too much attention to the show or the books, but the dire wolves featured are very large, very scary and very dangerous. Bringing them back is not just a bad idea, it’s a … dire idea. [God, that was horrible, and SeriouslyGuys is ashamed that I wrote it.]
Cosplayers, don’t support this. Stick with the basics to support your costuming purposes: a paper mache dragon (that can be easily lost), a flaming sword, leeches and a missing ear.
The new law would also ban such animal brothels and the training of animals for sex with humans.
It terrifies us so much that words like “animal brothels” have to exist for a reason, because, you know, we can’t stop shuddering.
A talking pineapple has challenged a hare to a race. The other animals standing around wager on the immobile pineapple winning the race — and ponder whether it’s tricking them. When the pineapple fails to move and the rabbit wins, the animals dine on the pineapple. Why did the animals eat the talking fruit and which animal was wisest?
If you’re questioning my sanity, stop for a second. You’d also be questioning Pearson, the testing company that created the question, and the New York State Education Department, who allowed the question to be included on state testing exams.
Don’t worry too much, though, as you’d reasonably be taking the position of parents and educators across the state, as no one seems to understand how to correctly answer the question, and the answer may never be known.
State officials wouldn’t divulge the answer and said they couldn’t speculate on whether the questions will be scored or scratched because of the controversy. They also noted that under new state rules, the questions and answers won’t be released.
My theory is the answer is 42.
These days there’s a social network catering to just about every kind of demographic. Interested in hanging out with fellow runners (JogBook), researchers (SearchSpace), pineapple lovers (Pineapperest), jet skiers (FriendSki), or amateur snuff film makers (Snuffer)? You got it! There’s probably a website available for just about every type of fetishist as well, but we’ll leave those corners of the web to Rick Snee.
In Japan, one of the latest social networks to hit the Internet is Yankee I Love You, a site made exclusively for juvenile delinquents and wannabe troublemakers to socialize. Are you into motorcycles, bling, orange tans, Tony Montana, perfectly styled pompadours and live in Japan? Great, this sure sounds like your kind of place!
It turns out that the word “Yankee” is used in Japan to describe thuggish kids, hence the name. The term originated in Osaka in the seventies, and was once used to refer to the flashy teens who would hang out at the city’s Amerikamura fashion district.
Yankee I Love You user profiles are as gaudy and customizable as you would expect. Users can prove their street cred by providing a summary of their arrest record and the name of their favorite motorcycle gang. Despite the rough nature of the site’s clienteles, managers claim that there have been no issues with any users thus far.
We can only assume that, despite the numbers we’re fed, it’s because there aren’t actually any users outside of Tom.
Ever catch a follow-up to a news story you didn’t know existed and then realize that that original news could have been something important? Like how scientists discovered that the cholesterol in eggs is actually good for you, but you’ve been eating a dozen a day this entire time because you never knew they could have killed you?
That’s when the Guys play a little game we call, “Wait … What?!“
Good news! It turns out that flying coach won’t kill you with blood clots.
Wait … what?!
Apparently, doctors had suspected for some time now that long flights contribute to blood clots in normally healthy people, particularly if you were penned up with the other livestock in coach. The more couped up you are, especially in a window seat, you’re less likely to get up or tap a foot lest you want to launch the Shasta on your tray over the seat and into the guy reclining into your crotch. (If you didn’t hear about this, it’s obvious you don’t read the First Class edition of the in-flight magazine.)
But, they’ve revised that hypothesis based on research quietly conducted through episodes of The Office on that little overhead television. They now believe the only ones at risk are those with conditions pre-existing the stressful rigors of flying coach. So, if you’re flying for a big presentation, convince your boss that you need to fly First Class.
Oh, and one of those pre-existing conditions? Using birth control.
Wait … what?!
Sorry, that’s another edition of “Wait … What?!“